Consonants and Vowels...

As I go on my journey that is my life, I am inclined to write about experiences or feelings, share pics, recipes, ideas, oh just whatever may pop into my cluttered brain. Feel free to read and or share if you so desire...

Monday, December 21, 2009

Busy, Busy

Wow.... The last 2 weeks have been a blur.  Holiday bliss, buying xmas gifts, baking, etc... And then in the middle of it all, I got a promotion at work and am now doing some regional corporate level education as well as managing my own building... I got to fly out to NY last week and spend some time there.. First time on a plane by myself.  I did good though.  I was really scared, but now that I have done it, I feel liberated! :)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Full Moon Fever

Boy oh Boy...

No sleep last night.  Full Moon tomorrow... Which means even less sleep tonight.

It is so weird.  Last night, my skin was ON FIRE.  My husband brushed by me and touched my arm.  He thought I had a fever.  This happens every full moon.  My skin gets hot, I don't sleep, and I get REALLY hungry, especially for red meat...

Yep- Lycanthrope... :)

Man, I want a steak for dinner tonight!!!!!

Work is crazy.  Like uber crazy.  I am trying to remain calm. 

Sitting here crunching schedules, budgets, and regulations... and then I hear it...

Prince- Let's Go Crazy

That song always makes me laugh....

When I said I was thinking about being with my friend "Michele"... I wasn't seriously contemplating a relationship with her.  Just wanted to make that note.  We joke around alot.  But I don't know that I am built that way... :)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Date Night

The last few months in my marriage have been really rough to say the least.  Hell, even the last several years... But worse lately.

My friend Michele and I have grown very close and I am able to count on her for about anything. 

We have these "date nights" every now and again.  It drives my husband crazy, because I go out without him.  We always have so much fun.  We take turns paying kinda like a real date.  We have gone to dinner, for walks, horseback riding, to wineries... All of the things I can't get my husband to do. :)

Tonight, we do dinner and  a movie.  The new Twilight movie followed by din din...

My husband is grouchy about it which will make the day long.  He is very controlling and does not want me to have fun, I don't think... Anyhoo.... He is jealous of Michele and I as well.  Her and I always laugh when we are together and have so much fun.  Plus Michele is bisexual and he has been convinced she is going to make a move and I will become gay too... Boy, that would put a dent in his  It's not like I haven't thought about it.  She's adorable, sweet, and is financially responsible, works hard, owns her own home, and damn, she knows me better than I know me sometimes.  We have this link and she usually knows when I am in trouble or sad, etc.  She's my best friend. 

I am glad to have her in my life.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Dream last night

I had a great dream last night.  I dreamt that I was sleeping peacefully, which I actually did for the first time in who knows how long last night.  I dreamt that I was dreaming... Isnt that a weird one?  But, in my dreams dream, I was in an open meadow with the sun shining on me.  I was sitting in the tall grass which didn't scratch or tickle, I remember telling the people there how soft the grass was.  The sun was huge and yellow and bright, but I could look right into it.  As I turned to my right, my friend Michele kissed my cheek and told me to just enjoy myself, have fun, and be at peace.  It was like I think an acid trip would be.  Peace signs started floating around my head and It was beautiful, like butterflies. 

Later I dreamt that I rolled over in my bed and a feeling of dread came over me as I tried not to stir the sleeping grouch beside me.  I rolled over quietly only to be tickle jumped by someone suprising.  We laughed until I fell back asleep.  I awoke today feeling awesome and refreshed.

"You're So Last Summer"

She said
"don't, don't let it go to your head
Boys like you are a dime a dozen,
Boys like you are a dime a dozen"
She said
"you're a touch overrated,
you're a lush and I hate it
but these grass stains on my knees
they won't mean a thing"

And all I (all I)
Need to know (need to know)
Is that I'm something you'll be missing
(is that I'm something that you're missing)
(maybe I should hate you for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
(maybe I should hate you for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to, the truth
is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt

And all I (all I)
Need to know (need to know)
Is that I'm something you'll be missing
(is that I'm something that you're missing)
(maybe I should hate you for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
(maybe I should hate you for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...

Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name
Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name

If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar (Maybe I should...)
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar (...hate you for this)
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar (Maybe I should...)
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar (...hate you for this)
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar (Maybe I should...)
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar (...hate you for this)
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar (Maybe I should...)
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar (...hate you for this)

Maybe I should hate you for this
(If only you knew half as much as you pretend to)
Maybe I should hate you for this
(If only you knew half as much as you pretend to)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

One rune...

A Single rune is used to gain a quick insight into what drives the situation, or to reduce it to the most concise summary possible.  The rune represents the critical factor in the issue at hand. Gebo means gift, and like any gifts, the rune may be understood on many levels. Gifts are generally positive things, for both the giver and the recipient. In many cultures however, gifts and favors carry with them an obligation to respond in kind. It is for this reason that gifts, and hence the rune Gebo, are frequently symbolic of friendships, marriages, alliances, mergers, and other bonds between people or organizations. Gebo is a strong rune and the unions represented are strong as well. Moreover, Gebo is not reversible, as true friendships are not easily undone.





Interesting.  The concept of spellwork discussion recently.  If I do a spell alone, it is basically my power, my intent.  When my girls get together, there are 3 of us.  So then, we have 3... But we also say by the power of 3 times 3... Because we like 9.  It is a good magickal number...
 So, what then is 139... But an awesome number?

I don't know why, but the number sticks in my throat when I say it.  I wonder if it means more than I think.  Hell, it wasn't my dream!  :)

Thursday, November 12, 2009


To dream that you are making or drinking tea, represents satisfaction and contentment in your life. You are taking your time with regards to some relationship or situation.

To dream that you are eating, giving, receiving, or stealing cookies signifies that you will let trivial problems and minor disputes annoy you. 


Friday, October 30, 2009

So Tired

Today, I awoke refreshed, even before the alarm went off.  This is surprising as my wonderful family was up making noise past 11 and I got very little sleep! :(

But, now... I am exhausted again.  I have just gotten over the flu.  H1N1, no doubt.  Fever, chills, cough, vomiting, etc... It has lasted 5 days.  I don't have a fever so far today... But, I am wiped out.

I am having a Samhain ritual at my house tonight, approx 8 people are coming. I am excited, but at this moment... Want to go to sleep.  Badly.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

My thoughts for Samhain

Soon, we celebrate Samhain. The word means” summers end” The wheel turns as we glide into the dark… the cold. The colorful leaves dance in the cool, fragrant autumn breeze as the golden sun shine glitters. The days from here continue to grow shorter, the nights longer as the sun departs slowly to leave us in the cold. The last of the harvests. In more ancient times, we would be rushing to finish bringing in the last of our harvests, packing away and storing food for the long, cold winter to follow. Gathering wood for fires to keep us warm, fiber to keep our bodies warm.. This was extremely hard work and as we know, mother nature can be unpredictable so a sense of rush to get the harvest in and be ready for the cold. Samhain was then a celebration that the last of the harvests were in, that they were ready for the coming weather and it was a time of relaxation and rest.

The veil between our world and the spirit world has grown thin at this time. Allowing us to reach out to the ancestors who have passed before us. As we look at the passing of the sun and the warmth, we acknowledge the turning of the wheel and the passing of the seasons as well as the progression and passing of our own lives. That wheel spins regardless of whether we stop to acknowledge it.

This is yet another time for introspection… Looking within as well as without. Where are you? What have we done with our lives, where are we going? Are we happy? What do we “need “ to be happy. Where do we “want” out lives to go? Who do we want to be? In looking forward to the fall and winter… Instead of preparing our harvest… We look at things according to modern times…. What do we need to do to prepare ourselves…

Imagine, if you will a pantry cupboard. Bare, empty. Now, imagine you are that cupboard. What have you placed inside yourself? What do you hold dear? What things do you need to clear out of there in order to be “Ready”… What do you need to harvest?

A few months ago, I felt as if someone had pulled a rug out from underneath me... No hopes, No dreams... The last few weeks, I have felt this building strength inside... And, now, my hope is returning... bit by bit... It may be just a glimmer... But, it is something!

My muse... is back.




Yikes... Am I in for a ride! :)

Gebo means gift... well, I see it as a gift for a gift normally- Almost like a karmic present- "What goes around comes around..." While it also represents relationships, unions.. etc. In relation to that, I believe when Gebo is drawn in regards to a relationship issue- which it was... It means that it is hard to undo- As Gebo cannot be reversed... However-

Combine that with Ansuz- the intuition I feel, the spoken word of my Gods, The voice of reason which is whispered on the wind... Yes, I am listening an paying close attention. I am seeing many things and clarity in this situation is sad and scary yet liberating as well.

And Nauthiz- That's a loaded rune for me... But, I see it today. It's tricky. Nauthiz can be a negative rune and stand for loss and sorrow. It can also stand for repeated mistakes- a lesson that has gone unlearned. It could mean many things. Things that I am not maybe ready to heed. But, what I see form this today is this: There are things in life that I need. That the kids NEED. Not wants. I am NOT a material person contrary to popular belief. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the finer things to an extent, but I don't expect to be covered in jewels, and designer clothing. But, I do need to feel loved. I need some stimulation- no, not sexual- but, intellectual. I need to be surrounded by something positive in my life, to feel alive, not as a withering autumn leaf... I feel dead inside- my heart lays still awaiting a miracle to revive it. My children, lifeless... I see it in their eyes... I need to be able to pay my bills and not see my hard worked money tossed out the window without a care- I have worked hard to find the career I have. I have met my goals professionally, and I am trying to be an example to my kids... I need to feel as if I have more of an equal instead of someone who wishes to ride my coat tails and is perfectly happy unemployed living off of the help of others... Wow, That's alot of need. There are times, I feel like a vacuum- an empty vacuum- void of alot of what I "need".

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Okay, Universe

So, today has been an interesting day. Hubby apologizing up and down for what and arse he has been...

State is in our building for their annual inspection. Nerve wracking, but it seems to be going well... They plan on exiting tomorrow.

Just in time for me to leave for Chicago!! We are taking Colin to see a Cubs game. Staying at the Palmer House Hilton for 70 bucks a night! :) Good Ol Priceline! I am excited. Getting my hair cut tonight and taking off tomorrow! Plan on lots of pics!!! :)

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Should have gone with the girls

My husband worked 8 days in a row last week. 12 hour shifts, so he worked and slept. I BARELY saw him. So he exclaims that Sat night is a date night and he wants to go for dinner because he misses me. I was excited. I got "gussied" up and waited for him to be ready. We left the house early because we needed to run some errands, I needed a new pair of sun glasses, mine were ruined, and prescriptions... We took the jeep with the top off and it started out great. He tells me he had this awesome dream that we went to best buy and bought him new desktop computer. I chortled. I know this is not a possibility financially and furthermore, who just goes and buys a computer for no reason. I have spent hundreds of dollars fixing up the computer we have as he requested each item, new keyboard, mouse, monitor, even a 150 dollar video card, new sound card... Anyway, I didn't say much when he mentioned his dream. I was thinking instead of dinner and our night together. He pulls in to best buy. Says he needs a new ipod transmitter for his Jeep... The other one works fine but doesn't charge his iPod, so I tell him he should charge it at home every night then and we move along, then he is staring at the computers. Seriously. I think he has lost it. We are planning a vacation trip to Chicago next weekend which is going to cost us, I have yet to buy back to school clothes for the boys, and I have bills to pay. He has no concept of where money goes. Said he checked our bank balance and we have enough... I had to say no, he began to pout as a child. He moved on down the aisle where he began begging for a mouse for the computer which cost 150 bucks... I politely explained that we have two at home that work just fine. I swear he stomped his foot and said "FINE, let's just go then". I was aghast. I followed him to the Jeep and he continued pouting. Would not talk to me except to say that I have been spending money and it is not fair that he doesn't get to buy something.... ? I went to the eye Dr 6 months late and got glasses and contacts, I bought Colin a new pair of shoes because his were falling apart, I spoiled myself and bought some shower gel instead of using his deodorant soap, OH and I did buy 2 pairs of khakis for work as I had only one pair of nice ones and since I was promoted thought I should look nice. AND I bought a Harry Potter book, which I have already finished.. :) I guess I did buy stuff, He bought a new shirt, a new iPod case, and 2 movies.... AND we went out o the movies at is request and out for dinner with the family which was an expensive excursion. Anyway, none of this matters. He is acting like a child, barely spoke at dinner and then ended up yelling, screaming at the kids last night, hauled off and hit Colin... and I think all of this stemmed from the fact that he didn't get what he wanted. Funny thing was, I thought he "wanted" me. To spend time with "me"...I suppose I was wrong.

I should have gone out with the girls instead. Now I understand why Michele was so persistent... :)

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Moon and all it's glory

Every month, I am fascinated by the effects that the full moon has on civilization. I work in an assisted living community and the residents and families seem more demanding and harder to redirect... Behaviors in our dementia community become worse.

I myself don't sleep for 3 days or so and really crave red meat. I am full of energy bordering on mania... But when I sit outside and watch the moon I am filled with this tranquil peace. Last night, I caught sight of it through misty clouds and headed outside to sit and watch it, to be at peace. I was stopped by my husband who didn't want to go outside and then became angry with me for wanting a few stolen moon moments for myself. He was off work and wants me to spend every waking second at his side... I went outside anyway, but my solace was ruined.

I did dream about it though, that was cool.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

My dreams for the night...

I dreamt about work mostly. I dreamt about a fight with the dietary department which actually just happened. I also had a dream about my diary, which I don't feel like sharing at this point...

It was a weird night.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


Well, I had a few too many fat tires last night. It was fun though. I sat with my boss and a corporate guy at the bar and drank beer and played trivia at B Dubs... It was a blast. I kicked some trivia ass! :)

Today, I have alot of work today and I am NOT motivated. I am hungry and need coffee. All I have is mini candy bars... Ugh.

I got alot of kudos last night from my boss about how well I am doing. That felt nice. They both said they were glad my predecessor was gone and couldn't believe the difference in the staff, building, etc since I took over. Even the budget is in line! ;)

I guess I can maybe do this after all! ;)

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Out with the boys...

Goin out with the corporate fellas from work tonight. Gonna buy me beer and wings. Mmmmmmmmmmm... Fat Tire. ;)

I am excited. Could use some R&R.

The Fork spread is used at critical turning points, to understand the dynamics of an important decision. Jade Runes are most commonly used for questions about love, friendship, and relationships.
The left rune represents the first possible outcome. Man represents Mankind. This rune evokes the image that although we must make much of our way in the world on our own, there is nevertheless an entire populous that shares similar experiences. Thus, this rune represents the relationship of the self with the whole - working together we can produce great results. Additionally, Man speaks to intellect and culture that separate us from the animals.
The right rune represents the second possible outcome. Tyr is the symbol of the warrior. This rune most represents masculine force and potency, and frequently victory in battle. Beware though, for this rune represents directly the Norse god whose name it bears - Tyr stands out in legend for having sacrificed his hand that he might bind Fenrir, a monstrous wolf that threatens to swallow the world. As such, this rune is known to portend a great victory that can be bought with a terrible sacrifice. Tyr is also the god of law, frequently placed in such position above Odin. In this aspect, protection of justice may be had by this rune.
The bottom rune represents the critical factor that determines what will come to pass. Thurisaz the thorn represents barriers and senseless violence. Here we see the thorn overturned. This could mean that erected barriers will not hold, or that senseless violence can be avoided. Also, remember where thorns are found - perhaps this rune portends that a goal can be obtained easily and without interference. Grasp for the rose...

Monday, August 3, 2009

Runes for tonight...

The Diamond spread reveals the dynamic forces at work in a situation. It is the spread of choice for understanding a hidden conflict. Gold Runes are most commonly used for questions about business, career, and property.
The bottom rune represents the foundation that forms the basis of the issue. Raido means to ride. In this rune, the image is not so much the riding of a horse as in riding in a cart or as cargo. As such Raido may suggest a journey, but is much more indicative of communication. Alternate interpretations based on the use of Raido as a cognate in other words give it the meaning of council, judgment, and moral correctness. Therefore, this rune is the rune of wise advice and good leadership.
The left rune represents one of the forces acting on the issue at hand. Isa is the rune symbolizing Ice - cold, stagnant, frozen, and unchanging. This rune suggests heat removed not just from anger or conflict, but from passion as well. Paradoxically, Isa conveys images of slippery slopes and unsure footing, but also of circumstances that have crystallized and become utterly immutable. Remember that in the cold north, ice is not just THE challenge to be overcome, but the very nature of the environment. Be courageous, for you work against this element every day. Will you fight alone or with others against this, our common foe? Is there much worse than lack of change?
The right rune represents another of the forces acting on the issue at hand. Sowelu is a strong symbol, for it represents the sun. Unlike equatorial cultures who may see the sun as a harsh and imperial force capable of causing droughts, in the cold north the sun is a purely feminine force that gives life and allows crops to grow. In dark times, this rune represents clarity of sight and the victory of good over evil. Sowelu is irreversible, as the cycles of the sun and seasons are perpetual.
The top rune represents the conclusion to which your strivings can carry you. Inguz is the rune of completion and fertility. The presence of this rune suggests that tasks which have been initiated will come to fruition. This rune is associated with Ing and Frey, it is this connection that explains its connotations of both fertility and sexuality. The variant of this rune shown here is reminiscent of the twin strands of life, and of the challenge and rewards of bringing together things complimentary.

Well, this makes ALOT of sense given my day. This is all about the job, baby. I will get there. It just might take a few more late nights to clean up what my predecessor left for me! :)

What a day... I didn't sit down all damned day... I went in at 830am, got off at 930pm. No break whatsoever. Chad had to run Colin out to me when he went to work. Colin got to play the Wii with the seniors! lol Chad was nice enough to bring me some McDonalds. Ugh. I am exhausted. I got alot done though, I am thankful for that at least. Tomorrow will be busy as well, but hopefully not scary busy! lol

I got home, its raining and the moon is huge darting in and out of the rain clouds, thunder, lightning... I am going to head straight to bed and drift off into dream... I hope they are good!

I got new glasses today. I will upload a photo...

Friday, July 31, 2009

Runes of the day...

The Cross spread is used to plot the arc of your life and the forces acting on it. It is the most popular spread, giving a very complete view of the situation. Stone Runes are most commonly used for questions about the natural world and things beyond human control.
The left rune represents an important element of the past. Man refers to Mankind and your interaction with the whole of human population. This rune is reversed, suggesting a separation from your fellow man. There is a lack of harmony in your interaction with others, either because you do not accept society or society does not accept you. Alternatively, this rune may also represent your separation from nature, and your ability to rise above the base level of being. As the rune is reversed, this may suggest an incomplete level of spiritual attainment or an intellectual block.
The middle rune represents a deciding element of the present. Ansuz is the spoken word of God. This rune is reversed, indicating that you are misunderstanding the divine voice or failing to hear it all. The word is always correct, so you must strive, whatever the difficulty, to hear correctly. Be wary of the advice you are given, for it may prove incorrect. Do not attribute infallibility to fallible sources...
The top rune represents a force that works for you. Wunjo is the rune of joy. The reversal of this rune suggests that joy is withheld. Since joy is frequently communal, this rune often suggests loneliness. Alternatively, some have seen Wunjo as the rune of perfection and the rune of the gods. Therefore this rune reversed could signal a feeling of separation from one's deity, or as imperfection in an important work.
The bottom Rune represents a force that works against you. Ger is one of the runes that touches on the cycles of the year, in this case the fall harvest. These cycles are eternal, which is represented in the rune by the fact that it is unchanged by reversal. Ger can represent pregnancy or other forms of fruitfulness, and is especially indicative of the cycles of providence and karma - that which has been sown is now being reaped. This rune can also represent the cycles of wealth, for crops were frequently a sign of wealth.
The right rune represents the critical element of the future, at the core of the final outcome. Nyd is frequently seen as a powerfully negative rune. You have drawn the rune reversed, which will lessen some of its effects. Generally Nyd represents loss, sorrow, and a hard journey with lessons learned. Nyd reversed here might be cautioning that the lessons might go unheeded representing repeated mistakes. The rune here might also be representing a minor loss or a nearly avoided catastrophe. Be careful, things are tricky and require strong attentiveness.

Harry Potter was Awesome!!! I loved it. I hadn't read this book yet. I enjoye dit very much and already see the plot continuing and KNOW that Harry wil work with his Godfather Sirius's brother to destroy Voldemort. (I haven't even read the books!) I am just that smart. ;)

We went to dinner at O'Charley's and then to the movie. I had wanted to see the 745 but Chad had shoppign to do , so we went later. It sucked because I had to be up at 5am for a nursing meeting that some dumbass Director of Nursing scheduled... (That would be me)... lol

I am tired today. Exhausted. Did not sleep well last night at all. Tossed and turned. Waves of nausea and I dreamt I was pregnant. I wonder who close to me will die... Everytime I have dreamt I was prego, someone I knew died... And when I dream that people die, I am pregnant! lol Seriously. I was sitting under a tree again pregnant and it was storming. But the tree protected me from the wind, the rain, lightning, etc. It is a crazy looking tree which I see... and I think I finally realized where I have seen it before...

My tattoo on my back... I designed this from the tree of life pics I had found and we placed the Goddess in the middle... Do you see her shape? Brenda had the same exact tat....

Life should be really exciting right now, but I am just so empty. Here at work, I am vivacious and crazy. When I get home, I shut down. It's sad. I will get through it.

Brenda is coming over tonight to finish writing Lammas rite and drink beer... Yay!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Excerpt- On the radio... Regina

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't

You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

And on the radio
You hear, 'November Rain'
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
'Cause the DJ is asleep

On the radio, on the radio
On the radio, uh oh, on the radio, uh oh
On the radio, uh oh, on the radio

The Fork spread is used at critical turning points, to understand the dynamics of an important decision. Stone Runes are most commonly used for questions about the natural world and things beyond human control.
The left rune represents the first possible outcome. Isa is the rune symbolizing Ice - cold, stagnant, frozen, and unchanging. This rune suggests heat removed not just from anger or conflict, but from passion as well. Paradoxically, Isa conveys images of slippery slopes and unsure footing, but also of circumstances that have crystallized and become utterly immutable. Remember that in the cold north, ice is not just THE challenge to be overcome, but the very nature of the environment. Be courageous, for you work against this element every day. Will you fight alone or with others against this, our common foe? Is there much worse than lack of change?
The right rune represents the second possible outcome. Eoh refers to the Yew tree. The Yew does not go dormant and therefore represents endurance. Even the wood of the tree is strong, resilient, and pliable - the Yew bends, but does not break. The evergreen nature of the Yew is present even in the rune itself, as it cannot be changed even by reversal. This rune is historically symbolic of death, but, as in the Tarot and as suggested by the nature of the Yew tree itself, death is seen only as a transmutation of something eternal and unchanging - the spirit.
The bottom rune represents the critical factor that determines what will come to pass. Man represents Mankind. This rune evokes the image that although we must make much of our way in the world on our own, there is nevertheless an entire populous that shares similar experiences. Thus, this rune represents the relationship of the self with the whole - working together we can produce great results. Additionally, Man speaks to intellect and culture that separate us from the animals.

I cant get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perahaps its just my imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
Its time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least theres pretty lights
And though theres little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

I cant get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Its just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

I wondered how and/or why and where it was left... Just a small piece of wood with 2 lines. Yet filled with magic and meaning. Months ago, it could have been dropped? Left behind? or placed deliberately? not maliciously...? I discovered it a few months ago and it has been driving me crazy!

Freaking lines... Yet so much more. Conner found it and brought it to me. I stopped in my tracks, sat down, and tried to catch my breath. He looked worried, and asked me what it was.

Does ANYONE have any thoughts on how a rune, which was not mine, ended up in my home? Anybody? Anybody? .... Bueller?.... B-u-e-l-l-e-r?... lol


1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.
2. characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question.
3. tediously dull, esp. due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless: a stupid party.
4. annoying or irritating; troublesome: Turn off that stupid radio.
5. in a state of stupor; stupefied: stupid from fatigue.
6. Slang. excellent; terrific.
7. Informal. a stupid person.

Last night I dreamt again. 2 lines. So insignificant until crossed and left in my magic room. I just keep wondering what it all means and what the intent was... and if it backfired.

My dream was pleasant, but again, estranged feeling. But it was peaceful and light. I remember the laughter bubbling up... lol



The necessity of dealing with severe Constraint ls the lesson of Nauthiz. The positive aspects of this Rune represent the limitations we directly cause ourselves; its negative side attracts limitations from those around us. Both are equally difficult to handle.

The role of Nauthiz is to identify our shadow, our dark and repressed side, places where growth has been stunted, resulting in weaknesses that we project onto others. Don't take this world personally, this Rune is saying: Work with the shadow, examine what: inside you magnetizes misfortune into your life. When at last you can look upon Nauthiz with a smile, you will recognize the troubles denials, and setbacks of life as your teachers, guides and allies.

The need for restraint is unquestionable here. Drawing this Rune indicates that there will be holdups, reasons to reconsider your plans carefully. There is work to be done on your self. So take it on with good will and show perseverance.

This is a time to pay off old debts, to restore, if not harmony, at least balance. So mend, restore, redress - when fishermen can't go to sea they repair nets. Let the Constraints of the time serve you in righting your relationship to your Self. Be mindful that rectification comes before progress. And once again, consider the uses of adversity.

Reversed: As part of the Cycle of initiation, Nauthiz is the great teacher disguised as the bringer of pain and limitation. It has been said that only at the point of greatest darkness do we become aware of the Light within us by which we come to recognize the true creative power of the self.

When something within us is disowned, that which is disowned wreaks havoc. A cleansing is re- quired here; in undertaking it you fund a will and strengthen character. Begin with what is most difficult and proceed to what is easy. Or, conversely, begin with what is easy and proceed to what is most difficult. Either way, remember that "suffering," in its original sense, merely meant "undergoing." Thus you are re- quired to undergo the dark side of your passage, and bring it in to the Light. Controlling your anger, restrain- ing your impulses, keeping your faith firm - all this is at issue here. Modesty and good temper are essential at such a time.

Magic Use
need, sorrow
removing unwanted
influences, breaking
destructive patterns

The necessity of earning to deal with severe restraint.

Identify your shadows, your dark or repressed side.
Look where growth has been stunted resulting in

Pay of old debts, mend repair and redress, restore

Rectification must precede progress.

Consider the uses of adversity.
Pain and limitation is the great teacher in disguise.

Only in the greatest darkness is the true creative
power of the self recognized.

A cleansing is needed.

Begin with the most difficult and proceed to the
easy; or vice versa.

Suffering is merely an undergoing. Modesty and
good temper will stand you in good stead at this
very challenging time of your life.
poverty, hardship, responsibility, discontent, obstacle,
constraint, frustration, delays, innovation, survival,
endurance, patience, recognition of one's fate, face
your fears

Maybe I should see a Dr.... I cried in my driveway for 20 minutes last night talking to my mom. I didn't even want to go in. (Despite my new phone being just inside! ;) ) I finally just sucked it up and went inside. The house was TRASHED. The kids were chasing each other and screaming, They had been "folding" laundry, it was all over the living room, it appeared as if they were launching clothing grenades at each other as if in a war... Husband sleeping upstairs. They hadn't eaten lunch or had their medication for the day. I just cried some more... Started dinner, I made sloppy joes, homemade. They were so much better than the pre made stuff. Then I left. I drove for about an hour, listened to the radio, it pissed me off too, so I drove in silence. I picked up a couple (2 only) beers at Belmont. My Mothership wit that I love so much...

By the time I got home, the kids had the laundry folded and they were apologetic. Husband still sleeping. Apparently he had stayed up intil 11 am playing computer games, so I was on my own until he got up. We ate dinner and then I played with my new phone. I really like it alot! I deserve it. (I got it for free... :) ) So, you can't beat that.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Shitty Day

This has been a supremely shitty day. I had alot to do today, had a nurse and an aide call in. Not to mention that I had to work for 2 hours on my husbands FMLA paperwork, because he "forgot" and if it wasn't turned in today, he could lose his job!!!!! UGH. Ya know, I am tired of doing it all. I had to shrug off work duties here today at a NEW job in order to save his ass!~ I wonder if he will appreciate it.

He has Lupus. Anyone know alot about this disorder? I am trying to learn. It is limiting so much... He can't be in the sun and I LOVE to be outdoors... He is always tired and just wants to lay on the couch or play video games. He does NO work around the house. He eats, sleeps, and goes to work when he feels "well" enough. And here I am doing it ALL... I am tired, depressed. I have been crying alot. Trying to pay bills with money we don't have because he was home sick instead of working. Last night I drank myself to sleep. That is NOT good. That raspberry vodka was tasty, but seriously... Ok, OK.... I am done. NOBODY hear wants to listen to this whining. I have made my bed. I guess I have to just deal. If anyone knows about lupus, any info would be appreciated. I feel like a bitch even complaining, but how am I supposed to deal with this?

I am off to go home. My other job. My poor kids. I have to break out of this funk. I heard my new phone came today! I am a nerd and got a blackberry curve. I have had a pearl and wanted a bit of an upgrade. My job pays for this one! I guess that is a cool thing that happened today. So, tonight, I will play with my new phone and enter all the contacts, etc. YAY!

Sappy lyrics
Songwriters: Cobain, Kurt;

And if you save yourself
You will make him happy
He'll keep you in a jar
And you'll think you're happy

He'll give you breathing holes
And you'll think you're happy
He'll cover you with grass
And you'll think you're happy now

You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
The clue that came to you, oh

And if you cut yourself
You will think you're happy
He'll keep you in a jar
Then you'll make him happy

He'll give you breathing holes
Then you'll think you're happy
He'll cover you with grass
Then you'll think you're happy now

You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
The clue that came to you, oh

You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
The clue that came to you, oh

And if you fool yourself
You will make him happy
He'll keep you in a jar
Then you'll think you're happy

He'll give you breathing holes
Then you will seem happy
You'll wallow in the shit
Then you'll think you're happy now

You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
The clue that came to you, oh

I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride and today, I feel like I want to hop right off!

This job is crazy. I keep hearing how good I am at it. :) The main issue is that the woman who I took over for was a nightmare and I am having to get all of her shit caught up as well as reorganize EVERYTHING!!!! :) I just keep on chugging. Today, I would like to escape and just go sit underneath a big tree on a blanket in the shade and watch the leaves dance and the sky wander by. Maybe pack a picnic, because I am hungry... :) Geez, that sounds so nice.

My kids are driving me crazy. Colin just turned 13 and it is like his brain has turned off... He can't follow rules, he is testing me at every turn. And Conner.... Well, he is just Conner. They fight non-stop and mess up the house. I think that is their job in life right now: To drive me CRAZY! lol!

My husband is still sick off and on with this Lupus stuff, and I feel like I am doing everything myself! Ever feel like you just don't have a partner? Like you're all alone. It won't get done if I don't do it! Bills, Housework, appointments, RX refills, Shopping, and working 60-70 hrs a week on top of that!! (Grumble Grumble)

The only peace I get is in my sleep, my dreams, and my daydreams. :) I am trying to delve into my spirituality... or lack there of. I feel very uninspired. Tired. Empty.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Settling in

Well, obviously in any type of management position, there is a certain re-organization that occurs. From the biggest details, (for example, I have had to fire 3 people... :( ) down to the nitty gritty details, like re-arranging my office and sneaking in the sage to get rid of all my predecessor's icky, negative energy! lol. I have been very busy and so tired. No time for myself. I worked 70 hours last week, did all the bills, the shopping, the housework, etc. I finally broke down and demanded help. So, things will hopefully improve. I know my husband has lupus, but that doesn't mean he can't fold a little laundry, right?!!! :)

Today, I awoke rejuvenated. I had a nice dream last night. Unexpected and a bit squirmy at first, but I settled in and it felt nice. Old, familiar scenery...

Anyway, My life is shaping up. One small, minute detail at a time!

Money is finally getting better. Slowly, but surely. It is mostly trying to keep my husband from recklessly spending all of our hard earned cash on silly shit. Like cigaretttes! :( Although, I have my own vices. Starbucks being one of them. :)

I took the kids to Flat top for dinner last night, that was fun. I am still disgusted by the combinations that they put in their bowls... Conner put noodles, edamame, pineapple, and teryiaki sauce... Ick. He ate the whole bowl. I went for the chicken, a bucnh of veggies and the black bean garlic sauce, over brown rice. It was yummy.

This weekend, I am having some friends over to celebrate Lammas. Opening my circle a bit. It should be interesting. I have a few extra friends I invited and a pagan fella from work. Should be fun. I shall get some beer and some veggies to celebrate the harvest and we shall all settle in for a nice celebratory evening! :)

Hope all of you are well.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Thunderstorms and Coffee

Yay... What a nice way to wake up. It has been a very rough week, and I am just sitting here, as the rain washes away the tired, stressed, tread marks in my mind! :) I am enjoying a relaxing morning!

Today, I clean the house, and get caught up on some R and R...

Job is going great. I am very excited about all of it. But, this weekend, as my mind wanders to the things I hve to do next week, I shall nudge myself back to a tranquil, quiet, non-work state of mind! :)

Sunday, July 5, 2009


Okay, I have returned at least momentarily to my blog... I have been so busy, I just haven't felt like blogging lately! Hope everyone is well, I will get caugh up on your blogs here in a moment...

I have been very busy at work. Working alot of hours, proving myself and it has finally paid off!!! I got promoted again! I am now the Dictor of Nursing! OMG! I have waited my entire nursing career fo this opportunity and it is now in front of me. I got a huge raise... (Well, what I consider huge, may be modest to some)... :) But I am extremely excited.

We have been having money issues again... Big suprise. Chad, my husband has been diagnosed with systemic lupus. So, we have had many medical bills of late, medication, and missed work hours on top of that! But, we are getting by! And things are about to at least be comfortable. I don't want to be rich, just comfy.
Last night, the 4th of July, everyone had parties at their places or at a friend or relatives to go to. Chad worked and I had absolutely NOTHING to do. Colin has met a new friend in the neighborhood. His name is Amado, he is Hispanic. I met his parents yesterday and they graciously (maybe forcefully :) ) invited me into their home for food and drinks. They have very little money. Husband has been out of work for over a year now and she works in a factory. They have a small house, a quarter of what mine is currently, little money and yet invited me, a stranger into their home and treated me like family. They had Latin music blaring, decorations everywhere, I ate a barbecued burger, which I have never had, some Spanish rice, and she made me a rum libation which would have knocked me on my ass if I had finished it! lol I sat there in this families back yard, listening to their stories, and I was... comfortable. I started thinking about my financial situation... Me and my husband both have great jobs. We waste alot of money. I think as I watched this family enjoy each other and laugh, living life happily, I realized that the most important things in this life really don't cost much! :)

Saturday, April 25, 2009

New Hair

Yay! Going to see my Jake and get a haircut today! I am stoked. I will post a pic. Thinking of doing some really red streaks amidst my black hair. I would really like to do blue, but my employer would definitely not like that! lol

My kids have been sick all week... YIKES. It sucks. They are at each others throats and I want to hurt them Constant bickering, arguing, and fighting... "I'm sicker than you are..." UGH.

Work has been super busy. I got a promotion. I am now called "Assistant Wellness Director" and instead of being over 30 apartments, I have the whole lot of 145!!! I am making more money and have more job security than ever.

Ok, I am off to see Jake and have a makeover. Yippee!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Under the Depths...2

After a what seemed like a long while, he decided that sitting out in the open wasn't such a great idea. Cemetery or not, he knew eventually someone would stroll by and wasn't quite sure he would appreciate their response to his appearance. He did not have a mirror but just looking at his bluish white hands and forearms gave him the creeps. He just couldn't believe he was dead. Or alive. Or both.

He stood up and brushed the dirt and grass off of his suit pants. He didn't know where to go. He really just wanted to go home, but no doubt she would be there... "Bitch" he muttered under his breath. Well, maybe that is exactly what he should do. He snickered at the look on her terrified face as the sight of him. He began walking. Still laughing, he walked up the driveway and went around to the back of the house. The narrow sidewalk curved sharply to the left and before he knew it, he was standing under the kitchen window and peering into the house. It was very quiet. Maybe too quiet. He tried the back door knob, it was open. It wasn't like Leila to leave the door open. He walked inside...

From under the ground, he clawed his way up. Pushing the dirt, small rocks, and clumps of grass out of his way as he writhed his way from his grave. His gangly, bony fingers with hunks of missing flesh dug at the dirt leaving small track like marks in the mud.

He was angry. Correction. He was mad as hell. That bitch had taken him out when he least expected it. He was sitting there in his recliner chair, beer in one hand and remote control in the other. That cunning woman had snuck up behind him and strangled him with his own belt!!!

That was the last thing he remembered. Until he woke up, groggy and sick in a hole in the ground! Vengeance filled his dead, cold, non-beating heart. He could focus only on finding her and making her pay for what she did to him!

At last, he was free from his earthen prison. He stood tall and eager to take a step. He was clumsy, definitely more clumsy than before his demise. Yet, somehow he felt stronger. He couldn't understand how he could still be amongst the living after what he suffered. Then, it struck him as a blow from a blunt object- He was NOT among the living... But the living dead. He sat down on a pile of dirt and contemplated his situation...

More to come... If you so desire.

You are now tagged. You must now blog at least 3 suggestions for saving money. It’s not because we all have LESS money than we did two years ago. We just all want to save money where it doesn’t hurt so we can SPEND more cash -- or donate it – on much more worthwhile projects and experiences.Ideas can range from using half as much toothpaste and just see if your teeth don’t remain just as pearly white as before to saving cash by shopping for coffee on Amazon. We don’t care WHAT your three ideas for money-saving is all about (just that you share it).

First of all, I am probably THE worst person to discuss saving money , but here goes..

1. We could stop using the fancy stuff like soap and shampoo... The natives got by just rinsing off every once in a while and still found each other appealing enough to pro-create...

2. Hell, who needs razors anyway? Or scissors? We could let all of our hair grow. Facial hair, leg hair, pit hair! even the under discussed "pubes"... If we did that right, we wouldn't need as much money to spend on clothes either. We could braid it, and then as it got long enough, cut it off and spin it into yarn to make sweaters and underwear and mittens... lol DOWN WITH HYGIENE ALTOGETHER! I can't wait to get my hands on that new scarf I made from my own arm pit hair!!! Think of all the money we could save!

3. Boy, I am laughing my ass off at the first two, I don't know if I have anything else to really say about this topic...

Yes, we are evolving. Sun light is good. Very good. I sat outisde today and just basked in it for a few moments. It felt so so good! By the end of summer, I will be taking the sun for granted and wishing for a reprieve from the heat... When I start bitching, someone remind me of this! lol

The sun... You know I think that in most pagan religious banter, we refer to sun as masculine and the moon as feminine. However, I believe the opposite is true in Norse or Germanic practice... I have always revered the moon as feminine... The Great and wonderful Goddess bestowing her glowing energy upon us in waves that come and go but always return again... Merry Meet, Merry Part, Merry Meet again... :) But, I haven't given a whole lot of thought to the sun. I guess the sun is a chick too! hahahaha. That must make me a Dianic pagan. (Just kiddin). The sun is masculine, I suppose.... It's brute, fiery force... The strength and magnetism... Yea, I suppose the sun could be referred to as masculine. He and the moon taking turns invading our skies and dominating how we live... Our moods, our activities... On a cloudy rainy day, we are down. On a sunny day, we smile. I really live with the moon cycles. I always have. When the moon is full, I am at my highest energy, my most creative, I don't sleep much, my dreams are vivid and telling... When the moon is full, it is lighter outside at night. Those are good nights to be out late... Traipsing through cemeteries, sitting under trees, jumping on trampolines with your best girlfriends.. I sound like a first class nut case. I have no idea what I am rambling about... The sun, the moon, how they affect my life... I guess all I really wanted to say was that I was really glad that the sun is out today!!!! ;)

I am sitting in a coffee shop, sipping an iced mocha, waiting for Colin to finish baseball practice and am suddenly hit with the inspiration to write.... So, beware. I feel some sort of manifesto coming.... I have alot on my mind! Keep reading.

Yuck. I have a cold. A sneezy, snotty, wheezy, coughing fits, aches, hot flashes, and sleepy freaking cold. I stayed home again yesterday, because of it and actually slept about all day! I feel a bit better today, but feel like my head is completely submerged! lol

Today, I awoke and skipped yoga. I did do a short ritual to focus my mind and direct my day. I am feeling suddenly connected. To everything. Partly that makes me feel good, and sometimes it causes more stress... I feel almost empathic... I am taking on everyone's feelings and struggles. So I am working on focusing inward. Just on myself, my family, and my needs and feelings.

Just curious... Many people work with a specific God or Gods... Certain pantheons. What do you all work with or focus on? I am a very nature oriented witch and really just call on mother nature for lack of a better term... I have also worked with a variety of pantheons... What do you do?

My son is still doing well off of medications.... We will see what happens!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Dodging the Rain Drops

It has been raining cats and dogs the last few days. Just what we need... more freaking rain. lol I have been so busy lately and completely uninspired when it comes to writing about anything. I have been working ALOT, stressing about money even more, and trying to sleep away my worries.

Colin, my son with autism, has suddenly, made a drastic improvement.... on accident. We had to stop one of his medications due to cardiac side effects. Ever since, he has been a different child. He is talkative, polite, no agitation or aggression... WTF? I guess that really makes me think. Maybe some of his symptoms have been side effects all along!!! I am taking it day by day though. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. It seems almost too good tobe true. I have my son back...

I have the day off today. I am getting caught up on alot of things. Laundry, bills, ugh.. Then I will play WoW for a while and RELAX. My dreams have been in hyperdrive lately, Not sleeping well... But unusually the dreams are good AND almost prophetic. I may have a new job offer on the horizon if I am interpreting the dreams correctly an I believe I am... :)

I have been trying to do yoga every day and working on a ritual a day... We will see how long this lasts! :) I have been meditating and am working on some more advanced concepts lately. Life is going alright... Just scooting along day by day trying to make my mark...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Enjoying the SUN!

Today, I was blessed and cursed at the same time! lol. I am sitting outside in my cropped sweats and a tshirt, the weather is gorgeous! I can feel the sun soaking into my soul! The breeze gently rushing my hair at my cheeks... it keeps getting caught in my sticky lip gloss! I don't mind though. I am at my patio table, blogging on my laptop... I should still be at work, but instead I have done a myriad of things today. I got to pick my kids up from school... (I will elaborate here in a bit). I went to the local coffee House "The Firefly" with my son Conner and we had iced mochas... We then went to Barnes and Noble where I picked him up the latest in the "Bone" series. He is so addicted! I went grocery shopping where I picked up a few pints of Hagen Dazs (on the house thanks to my husbands job ay Edy's!!!) It is a perfect day.... And the reason I had all this time to spoil myself is my curse...

My son Colin was suspended from school!!!!! I am so disappointed in him. I am trying hard to be quiet with him at this point. I don't want to let my mouth get ahead of my brain... It is a long drawn out scenario that boils down to him writing some inappropriate graffiti on a bathroom stall... When I was in school, this would not have amounted to a suspension... My, how times have changed. I have to go to meeting on Thursday morning with the principal. Thankfully, they assured me that he will not be expelled... whew.

So, anyway, here I sit with some quiet time to myself to blog, listen to my wind chimes, soak up the sun, watch Conner on the trampoline, and await the fantastic dinner that my husband is cooking for me!

All in all, not a bad day. (At least for me)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Here we go...

Okay, so to catch up.

Work is really crazy. My boss, who I am not a big fan of, is screwing up alot of things at work and of course I am hoping to get her job after her unfortunate demise... That means I have been busting my ass to show everyone that I can handle it! The Director has definitely noticed and keeps telling me to be patient and I will be pleasantly surprised. I have spear headed our Dementia Education program and have received alot of corporate attention for this, so I am hoping if not a promotion here in Indiana, Maybe I will get offered a better position in New York or Connecticut! Yay! I am not opposed to moving. New direction, new outlooks, always refreshing! :)

Home life has been utterly nutty as well. Colin, my autistic son is having alot of issues. He is hitting puberty and behaviors are well... exacerbated to say the least. Yelling, screaming, crying, hitting, lying.... Yea, I am in hell about now with all of this. It will get better. I have faith.

For some reason I have been dwelling on my relationship with my father which is at the very least strained and estranged! lol. I don't even like the guy right now. Haven't seen him in like 2 years and he only lives 2 hours away. He has made several trips here to Ft Wayne apparently ad has made no effort to see his grandchildren or me.... Whatever. I is hurting me right now,I haven't thought about it in a while...

Chad and I are doing great. For those of you who don't know the whole story, we have had some issues over the last few years and finally decided to reconcile fully in December. We had to face alot of hard truths (oh boy, looking at the truth starkly in the face is NOT easy.) It hurt. We both hurt for a while. With all of our cards out on the table, and information I didn't have and information he didn't have all out in the open... It was so clear. Even though we weren't happy, we knew we were before. We both dug deep and tried to find what brought us together in the first place. We found it and decided we wanted to stay together. Things are going well. :)

I have been playing like FIEND on my new laptop... I love World of Warcraft... My favorite game of all time! But,I do spend alot of time playing which means I spend less time reading and blogging! lol

Friday, February 13, 2009

Best Day Ever

My hubby bought me a kick ass brand spankin new laptop for Valentines Day!!!!! I am in 7th heaven! I have not been writing alot lately because work has been utterly crazy! Working so many hours and not much time to play! lol. I am going to try and post here more tomorrow.... Working on downloading WoW to my new laptop tonight...

Saturday, January 31, 2009


The last few days I have been keeping myself quite busy! I have Suzie Homemaker syndrome and have been cleaning and baking up a storm. I made 6 dozen chocolate chip cookies yesterday and a dozen blueberry scones! The scones are to die for. Easily better than Starbucks... lol. But seriously, they are. I should open a bakery! I love to bake. I have had so much energy. It feels like I am nesting! lol... I guess that is just the effect that Imbolc has on me.

Tonight, the girls and I are getting together for our Imbolc rite and to hang out. I am excited. I made a casserole called puffed up pizza. (a recipe my gramma made all the time!) Tonight, our focus will be on the growing seeds of Spring, about the quickening of life, and we have decided that at the roots, Imbolc is a celebration of life-giving... which is a feminine job; what the whole pregnancy and birth thing! :) So, tonight we honor our female ancestors who got us here and see what lessons they have in store for us. We are making new pacts and promises to each other and then we will eat, drink, and be absolutely merry!

I will post that recipe later for the pizza dish. Its really good, affordable, and easy!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Whoa! I am actually here! lol

Wow! What a whirlwind of a few days! I have been so utterly busy!

The kids had a semi-formal at their middle school on Friday night. It was so cute! They both ended up with "girlfriends"... whatever. At 12 and 10, I have no idea what that means! But, they had a good time. They looked cute in their ties! Chad and I actually got to go out for dinner alone and did some shopping. It was a fun night!

Saturday, I had a load of shopping to do. I went to the grocery, and did some school clothes shopping for the boys. I was out for hours. Then we ordered dinner in and watched a few movies.

Last night, I chilled. We had a quiet dinner and watched some TV... I played some WoW (World of Warcraft). I am so hopelessly addicted to that game right now. I really enjoy it!

Today was a hellish day at work. I came home and worked for another 4 hours on the computer putting together a power point slide show for a presentation I have to do soon. Ugh...

Well, off to plan our Imbolc ritual. We have a new gal who wants to join our coven and is coming over on Sat. We will see how that goes. I am going to plan the night, write the ritual and perhaps I will share it here when it is done... ;) Then, I am off to play WoW for a while and then off to dream land!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Written and/or Compiled by Dawn Thebarge Hill all rights reserved

This cross quarter holiday and Greater Sabbat is celebrated by most Pagan traditions on February 2, although some groups celebrate on February Eve. It marks the center point of the dark half of the year and is the festival of the Maiden because from this day to March 21st, it is her season and a time for the earth to prepare for growth and renewal.From Samhain to Bride (pronounced BREED) the Celts observed a time called "the period of the little sun". In old Scotland, the month fell in the middle of the period known as Faoilleach, the Wolf-month; it was also known as a' marbh mhiòs, the Dead-month. In Scotland, the Old Woman of winter, the Cailleach, is reborn as Bride, Young Maiden of Spring, fragile yet growing stronger each day as the sun rekindles its fire, turning scarcity into abundance.

Although our Mother Earth rests at this time and her stirrings are still hidden from us there is life nonetheless. At Imbolg the long winter is almost behind us, The coldest times have been experienced and survived and now the days are becoming longer. The earth is coming alive and once again, it is time to begin anew. This is the time for banishing winter and preparing for the coming spring. On this day we celebrate the return of light, new beginnings, fertility of the land which is shown to us in things such as the the swelling of buds on bare branches and in many places the first Crocus and snow drops flower, springing forth brightly from the frozen earth.. We also celebrate agricultural fertility as evidenced by the livestock birthing new babes, the engorgement of udders and the planning and preparation for the coming planting times. For this reason many people chose this day to bless seeds and consecrate agricultural tools.

It is also felt by many traditions that the eve of Imbolc is the best time of the year to perform divinations specifically pertaining to the future welfare and prosperity of your family. While New Year's resolutions are often about letting go of habits or things that you no longer want, Imbolc is the time for taking the first active steps toward what it is you want to draw into your life-a time of new beginnings.

On this day, Christians celebrate Candlemas, blessing all church candles for the coming year. Catholics observe the feast day of St. Blaze and share in the blessing of the throats with candles and fire.

This sabbat is sacred to Brigit whose name means "The Exalted One," queen and mother goddess of many European tribes. She is also known as Brigid, Bridget, Brighid, Brighde, Brig or Bride and some scholars consider her name originated with the Vedic Sanskrit word brihati, an epithet of the divine. She is Goddess of inspiration, dying, weaving, brewing, poetry, wisdom, healing, fertility, midwifery, reflection, meditation, lore, research, great knowledge, intelligence, understanding and smithwork who, in later times, became revered as a Christian saint. She is closely connected with livestock and domesticated animals. She had two oxen called Fea and Feimhean who gave their names to a plain in Co. Carlow and one in Tipperary. She was also the guardian of Torc Triath, king of the wild boar, who gave his name to Treithirne, a plain in West Tipperary. These three totem animals used to raise a warning cry if Ireland was in danger. It is also said that Brighid's snake emerges from the womb of the Earth Mother to test the weather, and this is thought to be the origin of Ground Hog Day.

I long to taste adventure like the nature of the sea,
Always moving, always hiding all the creatures from beneath.
Singing silent songs of sadness my heart waits for its chance,
To dance upon the ashes of my burned up little plans.

And I stand alone before the night.
My nakedness is so clear in the glow of the moonlight.
Life is old but so short.
We are young we want more.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

You don’t need air.

My addiction to danger like the rush of the sea,
Like a wave on the rocks the lessons crash down on me.
I don’t need to prove the world to you only to myself.
So step back and look away as I dive into the swell.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?
I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
You don’t need air.

Take me down to the river like a little child,
Take my hand and tell me its okay to be wild.
I never knew the world until I saw through your eyes,
I never knew my self until I ripped off my disguise.

I’m drowning, but I don’t care,
Because when you’ve got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

I have come to the realization that life is more than what I have accomplished.
And life is more than the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all.
True success is so selfless so drown in the lyrics of your life and give up the air that you breathe.
You don’t need anything.

I really love this song. I like this group alot, they have a newer CD out, I should pick it up! The lyrics are so true. I feel like I am drowning sometimes and I don't see things like I should. I am truly lucky to be alive, have a family, and have love. I am counting my blessings today... that I am actually leaning toward "True" success in life.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Children's worry spell

My son Conner has OCD and worries about EVERYTHING. He has trouble falling asleep at night and he asked me if I could help him with a spell... He is 10, and I was delighted to help.

We opened my witch cabinet and dug in...

He decided he wanted to place some herbs in a special place and then annoint a blue candle wit Earth oil. He chose Lavender (lots), Hops (lots), a pinch of Rosemary, White Willow Bark, and Elecampagne Root. He then added Devils shoestring to hide him from worry! (His words) How adorbale! He made his own special container with Legos and we said some chanting. He was so cute. I found it interesting in how he chose his herbs, he held them, smelled them, and closed his eyes as if to "feel" them. I did not tell him what the herbs were for, and he chose VERY appropriately!

My cat Triniti kept hopping in the cabinet!!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Both of my boys want to get into martial arts. I am working on a way to make this happen for them. We don't have alot of money, but I feel it would be beneficial to both of them. My oldest, Colin is autistic (mild) and has ADD, my youngest is ADHD... lol I think it would help teach them a bit of discipline. Maybe...

Funny story.

Yesterday, while on the way to school I overheard the two of them in the back seat arguing. No, debating; if you will.... They were talking over who was actually the better padawan learner... (Star wars reference...) They argued who had the better light saber, who knew where Tattooine was really located, who could talk to wookies, and finally who knew what a "hutt" was... My oldest said "Duh, it is a tent with grass on top of it!"... Conner giggled an evil laugh and reminded him that "Jabba" was a hutt...."Jabba the HUTT". ANd all of his other relatives were HUTTS too! lol... I laughed all the way to work. I am raising the two biggest Star Wars NERDS! and I love it! :) I told them both that I thought they would make awesome Jedi knights....

Today, we have received like 3 inches of snow... It is blowing all over the damned place and it is freezing! Sub Zero temps with wind chill and I have had enough already! We are supposed to get another 1-3 inches tomorrow as well!!!! I am over it. I never have been too fond of snow. Now it sits there and taunts me and blows it's void, blank dust EVERYWHERE....

I want the sun.


Monday, January 12, 2009

A "Buffy" Good Time

This just might be the BEST website I have ever ever found... Click on this blog entry's title!!!!

Buffy episodes... ONLINE and free...Oh, how I have feverishly dreamed of such a thing! I am going through Buff withdrawal since fX no longer re-airs it...

Yay for me!

Jan 11 - Feb. 1, 2009

Too many people have too many superstitions about Mercury’s retrograde. They think its like Friday the 13th and everything’s going to go wrong. My power dropped out for a minute the night before last, and my cell phone carrier had a server crash today, and I wasn’t receiving my incoming calls. (I am writing this article during the interim between Christmas and New Year 2008.) If Mercury were in retrograde now, everybody would be running around saying, “Its Mercury! Its Mercury’s fault!” This stuff happens all the time, and it has nothing to do with Mercury’s transit.

Mercury is the ruler of transportation and communication. He is the messenger God in mythology. Mercury also rules our minds and logic, and he governs communication processes on the Internet. When a planet is actually in it’s backward motion, it’s affects are usually a bit more subdued, but not normally bad. It usually pulls up past issues for us to deal with. With Mercury being the messenger, we often get calls from old friends, and past over loved ones will also come a knocking. Situations often urge us to reevaluate our goals and our values when Mercury is in retrograde. Also, if we have been pushing our luck in the past, Mercury may make us pay up.

When a planet is in retrograde it appears to be moving backward across the sky. All the planets except the Sun and the Moon turn retrograde every now and then. In fact the outer planets are in retrograde almost as much as they are moving forward. Mercury gets special attention from astrologers, because he is so close to the earth, and because his retrograde happens so often, 3 - 4 times per year. And to let the inquisitive know, Mercury will only have 3 retrograde periods this year.

The difficult times of any retrograde is when the planet is in the process of changing directions, which is called the stations. During that time the planet is not moving much at all, and it is figuratively burning a hole in the universe. In Mercury’s case the stations are usually just the days his retrograde begins and ends. With slower outer planets, we may feel the effects of the stations a few days before and after the day it changes directions.

This Mercury retrograde will begin (retrograde station) on January 11th in Aquarius. Mercury is going to have a lot of planets insulating him and no planets aspecting him, so it shouldn’t be too tough. There will be a Full Moon on January 10th, so we may have more problems with Mercury’s retrograde station on the 10th rather than the actual day of the station. To put it in English, we may find that we have a few travel problems or miscommunications during the evening of January 10th, but by the evening of the 11th, we should find that things are functioning again.

Jupiter, the Sun, and Mars will all cross Mercury as he moves along his backwards path, and those days could prove to be significant. Mercury will conjunct Jupiter on January 18th and that could really bring old friends back into our lives. Jupiter brings expansion and Mercury, communication, so there is also a strong possibility we may want to talk about situations from our past. It will also be a great day for recollections, so if you are writing that autobiography, January 18th will be the day to sit down and compose.

The Sun will come up quickly behind Jupiter and conjunct Mercury at the karmic 0 degree point in Aquarius on January 20th, Inauguration Day. The Sun represents our characters and Mercury, expression. Our new President should have some very important messages for us on how he is going to clean up the mess left for him from the past. With Aquarius involved, he may have some new and unique ideas. For the rest of us, we may find we are ready to dig into and sort out old papers, or perhaps try a new approach to an old problem. There could also be some unexpected messages from old friends around that time, especially male friends.

Mercury in retrograde will conjunct Mars in Capricorn on January 27th and Venus will be sending them some positive energy at the same time. The Sun and Moon will be creating a Solar eclipse on January 26th, so we will definitely be ready for some changes. Mars is the God of energy, so many of us will be initiating those changes. There could be some old romances rekindle at this time. Are you thinking of contacting an old lover? This will be the best time.

As Mercury turns direct (direct station), he will be making a positive angle to the Saturn-Uranus opposition going on this year. (You can read more about Saturn Oppose Uranus in my article, “The Odd Couple.”) This should help to make his transition back to forward motion fairly stable. We may hit a few of the typical transportation and communication problems, but we will be able to deal with them. In fact, we may just surprise ourselves just how well we deal with them.

Okay, its now amateur astrologer time. Let’s see how Mercury’s retrograde is going to affect you. Mercury will transit this retrograde from 8 degrees Aquarius to 22 degrees Capricorn. So, check your natal charts.

First look at which house or houses in your chart that he will be traveling through. You will probably find that the areas in your life that (those) house(es) covers will be put on hold, and you will probably show little progress. An example, if you are out of work and Mercury’s retrograde will be covering your 6th house of work, you may as well take a temporary job until Mercury turns direct, any permanent jobs probably won’t pan out.

Next, are Mercury’s Retrograde Station (8 degrees Aquarius) or Direct Station (22 degrees Capricorn) going to aspect any of your natal planets or power points? If you have any planets or points between 6 degrees and 10 degrees in Aquarius, Taurus, Leo, or Scorpio (fixed signs), then you may find that Mercury’s Retrograde Station (January 11th) could bring some changes that are forced upon you, depending upon which planet or power point. Remember outer planets (Jupiter on out) affect us more as a generation, so they won’t have as much impact, but inner planets and power points could make the changes much more dramatic in our lives. Planets and power points between 6 and 10 degrees in Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra, this Mercury Retrograde station may bring some opportunities disguised as problems.

Now let’s look at Mercury’s Direct Station on February 1st (January 31st for our friends in Europe). If you have any planets or power points between 20 and 24 degrees in Capricorn, Aries, Cancer, and Libra (cardinal signs), you may find that some people are not listening to you or even lying to you. There could also be some shocking unexpected messages. But, if you have any planets between 20 and 24 degrees in Capricorn, Taurus, or Virgo (earth signs), you may find that on February 1st parts of your life that have been a little stuck will start to move forward again.

To come to a deeper understanding of Mercury’s retrograde, we really have to stop blaming it for all the little mishaps in our lives and start using the energy to reevaluate and refocus our goals and ideals

Janet (Sparrow) Moon is a professional psychic and astrologer. You can visit her web site for more articles about upcoming events in astrology, and to read her daily astrology general tendencies forecast. (This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this bio are included.)

Wow. What a weekend! I cleaned all day on Saturday. It took me 6 hours!!!! I really deep cleaned and dusted. Simplified and threw alot out. Then I smudged like crazy and did a quick cleansing and protection spell for my home. I was exhausted.

THEN, we went out. I got cleaned up and I looked good! I will post pics later. ;)
We went out to dinner with some friends and then out for drinks... Wow. Jen had a bit too much to drink, ugh. I hate it when I do that. It is like some people have a switch and they know when to flip it and not drink anymore... My switch just shuts off and I go on autopilot. I don't remember the latter parts of the night... only bits and pieces. I remember throwing up though... Yuck. We did have a blast though. I laughed so hard. It was great to see Jim and Brenda again. We have een so busy, it gets hard to hook up. We got home about 4! Yikes.

Sunday was a lazy day. I made a cheeseball for Chad. Then I went to the store and got a few things for a nice salad with dinner. We had a good day. It was a quite, lazy, happy day. That is how all Sundays should be. (Minus the hangover...)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Eihwaz Meditation

I forgot to post this the other night... I had the eihwaz rune fall out when I was doing a reading so I meditated on it a bit...

So I meditated on the rune itself and ended up under a very large tree. The branches were long and slender and flexible. There were no leaves on this tree, but it was not dead. At first glance I thought it was dead, long gone. I could smell the earth very strongly and noticed that I was barefoot, digging my toes in the dirt as I love to do... The tree was alone, but there were other trees in the distance. Some had full leaves, some had sparse leaves, a few looked pretty dead. I wasn't sure if I should walk or what? So, I sat for a moment in front of the tree. A piece of bark was peeling off like parchment and when I picked it off, I noticed some lines. It looked like "something", a drawing, or a symbol but it wasn't finished yet. It frustrated me that I couldn't make out what it was. For some reason, I ate it. I chewed it up and swallowed it. It tasted like bread ( like communion at church when I used to go). I felt whole, my heart warmed and I stood up to see the leaves on the tree explode into growth and even flowers bloom. They were beautiful blue flowers. I stood under the tree as the wind blew and the petals rained overhead like a blue petal shower... It was absolutely breathtaking.

What appears to be dead or gone may be dormant or hidden. If I internalize that death or change then that can lead to new life and beauty... lol At least that is my take on this! It was a really powerful meditation... I could still taste the bread on my tongue.

I love the moon. I am so in tune with the cycles. You can watch my energy levels dip as it wanes and jump up as it waxes... For 3 days prior and 3 days after, I don't sleep much, I am ravenous... I eat like a hog and crave red meat. I don't eat a lot of meat usually, so this is definitely linked to the cycles of the moon. I must be part werewolf! lol Anyway, If I harness the energy and the restlessness appropriately, I can really get alot accomplished. I am going to do some major spellworking this full moon and I am working on cleaning and re-organizing my home. I am also organizing my finances still... It is tough to organize the stacks of bills you can't pay! I just shuffle them from on epile to another. But, we do actually have a plan on how to get caught up... prostitution... yep, or selling crack. (JUST KIDDING) Ugh. Money, how I despise thee. I think electricity should be a right, not a paid privelege! lol Okay, okay... back to the moon. I can feel her energy building and as I do, it is so different than the last several months. I feel more like myself and more in tune. I have harnessed that energy that used to make me crazy and so damn restless. I am putting it to good use. (I don't know if playing World of Warcraft for 4 hours on Saturday night was actually a GREAT use of energy, but I had a blast! lol) I got to go out for dinner this weekeend too. We had a great date. We left the boys at home (12 and 10) and went out. It was a little nerve wracking at first as we don't usually leave them alone. But, our sitter bailed and we really wanted an hour or so alone! So.... They actually did great! No worries. We had a fabulous time, I discovered a new beer that I loved, and got to spend some quality time alone!!! yay! That is always a nice treat.

So, as the moon waxes this month, I focus on the new year. New beginnings, new paths, Trying to be a new me. A stronger me. More in control, more understanding, less judgemental, and less temperamental! ;) The path is right here in front of me. All I need to do is tread down it. Slowly and carefully, meaningfully. And I will succeed...