Consonants and Vowels...

As I go on my journey that is my life, I am inclined to write about experiences or feelings, share pics, recipes, ideas, oh just whatever may pop into my cluttered brain. Feel free to read and or share if you so desire...

Friday, November 28, 2008

Thankful Shmankful

Yesterday was a busy day. I actually slept in though which was nice! I didn't get up til 9 and I was supposed to start the turkey at 7... Whoops! I got the bird going and started on the rest of the feast and worked my little ass off until around 3. I got to chill for a bit then and watch some TV and take a quick snooze. In the midst of all this I got a call from my mom. She is still in a behavioral health hospital. She is in an abusive relationship and instead of making the choice to leave, she has decided to lean on pharmaceuticals to get her through. She is abusing Vicodin, Xanax, Benadryl... anything that will make her sleep so she does not have to face life. Anyway, she called to tell me she was being discharged tomorrow (which is now today). She said she was going to go live with her sister in Illinois, which made me ecstatic. We all made the necessary arrangements. I went about my day. I finished my din din and had our best friends over for a feast. We sat down to eat, said what we were thankful for... among my thanksgivings was the fact that my mom was getting back on track. I took my first bite of turkey and the phone rang. Mom again. Only this time to tell me that she was going to go home instead. That her dickhead was going to stay at a friends but she wasn't ready to leave him... (Insert vomiting sound here) Then, she said the weirdest thing. She told me that she had a headache all day and she was feeling better now since "some nice lady" gave her a "VICODIN"... I hung up, ignored the whole conversation and went about my evening. We did have a great time... Who knew "turkey gobbler" would wind up being so freaking funny. We laughed, we ate, we drank, and we watched the punkin chunkin on discovery channel. It was awesome. Brenda and I both passed out!

This morning, after thinking about it... I called my mom's nurse and told her what my mom had said last night about the vicodin... I started to fear maybe someone had given her one. A visitor? a patient? How about her manipulative fuckhead of a husband with one last ditch effort to try and make her stay? Who gave her that damned pill? And why? I can't imagine it was ordered! Who would prescribe narcotics for a recovering addict?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

How do you spell Stressed?

Alrighty. We are still having issues with Colin and his behavior. We had a behavior analyst at our place for 3 hours last night. Top that off with the fact that a very close friend of ours died Sunday from cancer and we are trying to work in a showing and a funeral AND the fact that my mama was just checked into a mental health facility because she has been self-medicating due to the fact that her husband is an abusive mother fucker, and NOW... it seems that we may have unexpected guests for the Thanksgiving holiday. (Insert Primal Scream Right Here)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Real Life

I just finished watching "Dan in Real Life". I laughed and cried. So did my son. It was a great movie. Have any of you seen it? If you haven't, turn away, I am going to discuss some details! In the movie, Dan is a widower and he lost the love of his life to an illness. He has 3 daughters that he is raising alone. The teenagers in it are hilarious. Anyway, he goes to his families house in I think it was Rhode Island for the Hoildays and ends up meeting this woman in a bookstore and they talk for hours that day. He ends up getting her number because she has to leave and he is really excited because there was this instant connection. He goes home and is telling his whole family about this woman he met when his brother's new girlfriend enters the kitchen and it was "her". The bookstore woman. The whole Holiday visit is torture for both of them because they can see how much they want to be with each other and feel like they just can't because of the brother... They end up together...

It was adorable. But it got my little noggin thinking about "Real Life". We watch movies like this and those of us that have been married for 13 years start looking at our own relationships. Geesh. Why can't my husband and I sit and talk like that for hours? We must have nothing in common anymore! ... NOT TRUE. We do have alot in common and have talked everyday for the last 13 years! If I think back though to the days when we first met, well we did talk for hours. I ate him up. Could not get enough. Slowly, things change though, don't they? The magic doesn't die, but it sure does change and it goes through cycles. We still have so much fun together. We have alot of inside jokes, he knows just what to say to make me feel better... sometimes, he can be an ass and he doesn't say those things, but then he does and the world melts around me. He knows me. My mind, my body, my likes, my dislikes, the neurotic ways my mind turns and he still loves me. Even when I am bad. Our relationship isn't perfect. At times, it can be messy. But, that is life! Life is messy and it can be all sorts of fucked up but we still make the best of it.

If you have not seen that movie, you should watch it. Very cute. I just love Steve Carrell.

Okay, so 6 random facts about little ol' me... Here goes.

1. I wear my Chucks almost everywhere I go. Even on date night. I will pick my outfit around my black converse high tops... It is sad I know, but is it sort of a fashion statement? lol

2. I like to do acrobats and jump on trampolines when I am tipsy and/or drunk. And to be honest, at 34 my body isn't taking it too well anymore. I usually end up pretty sore and stiff for days. But it is so much fun to fling myself around and feel the earth move and the air whoosh by my face!

3. I burp. alot. and loudly. It is a family thing I think. Even my aunts do it. I usually only do it at home around my kids and hubby... but every once in a while I will let one fly in public and I get embarrassed. At home, they just laugh at me or tell me "Good one!"... LOL

4. I have my nose pierced. I am very proud of this. It took me years to muster the balls to do it. I had one failed attempt that was just bloody and disastrous. But, I went back and did it again. It looks so cute o n my wittle nose! ;)

5. I wear crazy socks. It is like my trademark at work. They can't wait to see what socks Jen has on today! I especially liked striped ones.

6. Secretly, I am afraid I am turning into a couch potato. I have been sitting and watching alot more TV. I am running out of sweat pants... and having nightmares about plastic wrap, microwaves, bacon bits, sour cream, and butter...

Tagged by SunTiger and Fae.

I shall tag: Hex, Atiyanna, Aelwyn, Luna Earth Mama, Joyful Girl, Yarrow

The rules of being "tagged:"

· Link to the person or persons who tagged you.
· Post the rules on your blog.
· Write 6 random things about yourself.
· Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them.
· Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
· Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Good Eats Roast Turkey - Alton Brown


  • 1 (14 to 16 pound) frozen young turkey

For the brine:

  • 1 cup kosher salt
  • 1/2 cup light brown sugar
  • 1 gallon vegetable stock
  • 1 tablespoon black peppercorns
  • 1/2 tablespoon allspice berries
  • 1/2 tablespoon candied ginger
  • 1 gallon iced water

For the aromatics:

  • 1 red apple, sliced
  • 1/2 onion, sliced
  • 1 cinnamon stick
  • 1 cup water
  • 4 sprigs rosemary
  • 6 leaves sage
  • Canola oil


Combine all brine ingredients, except ice water, in a stockpot, and bring to a boil. Stir to dissolve solids, then remove from heat, cool to room temperature, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled.

Early on the day of cooking, (or late the night before) combine the brine and ice water in a clean 5-gallon bucket. Place thawed turkey breast side down in brine, cover, and refrigerate or set in cool area (like a basement) for 6 hours. Turn turkey over once, half way through brining.

A few minutes before roasting, heat oven to 500 degrees. Combine the apple, onion, cinnamon stick, and cup of water in a microwave safe dish and microwave on high for 5 minutes.

Remove bird from brine and rinse inside and out with cold water. Discard brine.

Place bird on roasting rack inside wide, low pan and pat dry with paper towels. Add steeped aromatics to cavity along with rosemary and sage. Tuck back wings and coat whole bird liberally with canola (or other neutral) oil.

Roast on lowest level of the oven at 500 degrees F. for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and cover breast with double layer of aluminum foil, insert probe thermometer into thickest part of the breast and return to oven, reducing temperature to 350 degrees F. Set thermometer alarm (if available) to 161 degrees. A 14 to 16 pound bird should require a total of 2 to 2 1/2 hours of roasting. Let turkey rest, loosely covered for 15 minutes before carving.

** I make this turkey every year and it is absolutely the best turkey I have ever had. Juicy and full of flavor! I LOVE to cook so I will try to find some more really good recipes to share. How do you guys make your turkeys or tofurkeys as it nay be?

Mmmmmmmm Mango rolls... My belly is full of sticky rice, mango, tempura shrimp, cucumber, and yummy edamame! I drove over to Yokohama (a sushi bar here in Ft Wayne) and picked up take out. Chad is working. AGAIN. :( He has worked 84 hours this week!!! So, lonely ol' me went and got some sushi! The boys sat there and literally studied me as I ate it... They have had sushi before, but I think the whole concept is just fascinating to them. They debated over whether or not Chinese people ate sushi, then argued over asian customs for removing footwear... lol. It was entertaining at the least!

I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner though. Very satisfying. Kim, I should have called ya. Ha! Next time!

Now, I sit here at home with 2 stir crazy kids on a Saturday night. It is 8 o'clock... Too early for bed? Muaahahahahhaha! They have been arguing ALL DAY. Although, I did get Colin out for a while. We went grocery shopping for Thanksgiving... U-G-H. People at this time of the year are so nasty. Leave it to the biggest christian holiday in circulation to cause so much anger and angst amongst them all. I almost got run over by a lady and her cart... I smarted off of course and told her to have a happy holiday! It took 90 minutes to get our turkey and all the fixings... I will post my turkey recipe in a bit. Best turkey ever. I swear. You gotta love Alton Brown! Well, that is all I got so....

I dreamt of snow last night. I was outside twirling around in a snow fury...It was everywhere! I would reach out and catch snowflakes examining them one by one, their crystalline hex-like structures all telling me tales. I wore no coat, but was not cold. Normally, I dislike snow. In my dream I was covered in it. It was in my black hair, on my lashes, my nose, my fingers were dusted with it and I was standing ankle deep in it with no shoes. As it touched my skin, I could feel the tiny flakes melting and melding into me one at a time. I felt serene and happy. I saw something in the snow. In the distance, it was red. It was half buried but I walked over to it and brushed the snow away to find a bright red shiny apple. I took a bite and went to sleep (in my dream!). In my dreams dream I dreamt of flying with geese. It was a weird one. I saw my grandfather who passed, I saw people I didn't know, but they sure knew me...

The hexefus stood out to me. The witches foot. The shape of the snowflake. Which makes me think of Madame Winter, Frau Holt, Dame Holda, Hella, Frau Holle... She has many names. A few years ago, she made it into my dreams often during the winter months. I had done some research on her and bookmarked some pages... Here is one of them.

It is said that on windswept midnights she rides forth as Wild Huntress of Souls. Her hair streaming, her hel-hounds baying, she courses through time and space with an eldritch horde of Witches, ghosts, and spirits following in her wake. Hella’s name has been derived from Indo-European KOLYO which signifies “ covered”, or “ veiled”. This relates to magical concepts of hiddeness, realms of mystery, and the veil that trembles between the world dimensions concealing the ultimate secrets from mortal sight. Hella is the Mistress of all haunted regions, which exist paradoxically in between the realms of mortals and spirits, the living and dead, light and dark. Hella, the Great Goddess of liminal times, tides, and places can reveal the secrets of Angles, which lead beyond our circles of space and time, and which open onto other spheres of existence at certain sites and seasons. These secrets are contained in her primary magical symbol, the six pointed hexe-star, or hexefus ( Witches Foot). The hexefus star is identified with the cosmic “Rune of Nine Mothers,” Hagalaz. Hella is the divine patroness of the shadowy Gothic Witch Cult of the North, and Witches were sometimes called Unholdas, after their tutelary Goddess of old medieval Germany. In fact Gothic traditions speak of certain “Scythian Witch Women” called Hel-Runes (Haliurunae) who were the ancestress of the Hunnish peoples. Linked to the term is the Alraun, the name given to the mandrake root of northern folk magic, the Sorceress Manakin employed in Hella’s ancient witchery. In actuality, her Hel-Runes are the keys of arcane, non-Euclidean geometries which unseal the planes and gateways beyond this world. Hence, Hella is the primeval Goddess of the transcosmic boundary zone, the word hedge, or “Haga”. She can teach us where the gaps or passages appear which open in the barrier and give access to unearthly realms of awesome and terrific power. The word “hag”, and “hex” both originate from old names for a Witch, or practitioner of Hella’s magical pathway. The Anglo-Saxon word “Haegtessa”, ( Hagazussa, in Old German) means Hedge Rider, or One Who Sits on the Hedge. The term denotes an individual who haunts the borderlands of existence at the edge of space and time. It indicates one who traverses the line dividing the phenomenal and the numinous, one who hovers magically between the dimensions and worlds. Just as Hella presides over all spatial and temporal zones of in-betweeness, such as the Witching Hour, or stroke of midnight, which is neither yesterday or tomorrow, neither past or future, so also is she the Goddess who typifies paradoxical mind-states and trance vision during which the awareness is suspended between waking and sleeping, neither conscious nor unconscious. Those who are granted such supernatural experiences “ride out” of their bodies in Hella’s spirit host and passing beyond the veil, enter her secret kingdom. So Hella is the Mistress of Witchcraft, of hidden spheres of experience, and that mysterious region between life and death, brightness and shadow. Yet ancient Skaldic lore speaks of the golden “Apples of Hel”, her magical other world fruit, which like that of Avalon, renews the youth of the soul and bestows immortality.

Interesting. I wonder what is in store for me... More to come.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Grass... Greener...Not so

Today a co-worker of mine had a really hard time. To make a really long story short, her boyfriend cheated on her and left her. It has left her in shambles. So much so that she was talking suicide today! I talked to her all morning and she agreed to go with me to a behavioral health facility to be assessed. It took hours. That poor girl has been through hell. When we walked into the interview, she had just got done telling me how much she admired me and my "strength"... Yikes. When we walked out, I was crying and told her that I thought she could very possibly be the strongest woman alive! The abuse and torture she suffered at the hands of her own father! And she lives on... I thought my childhood was bad. My Gods! It just goes to show you that you really don't know who people are and what they have been through and the grass surely isn't greener on the other side...

I haven't felt well all day. I think I feel as if I took a bath in her pain....

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Queen Cheeseball

A few weeks ago, we were talking about cheeseball recipes at work. I mentioned I make a decent one and a girl I work with started talking smack about my cheeseball and said her recipe would kick my recipe's ass... Very mature we are. ha. Anyway, I challenged her to a cheeseball cook off. We work on a dementia unit and I am always trying to find ways to trick my residents into eating so we made it a contest that the residents voted on! They tried both cheeseballs and then voted and then we invited all of the staff to vote as well.... I kicked her ass. I think the final tally was like 22-9... Here is the recipe I used.

Winner Cheeseball

2 bars cream cheese, softened
2 tbsp Cheez Whiz
1/4 cup onion flakes
1/4 cup parsley flakes
1 pkg Buddig Beef (Chip Beef) Chopped
about 1/2 cup chopped pecans

Mix all together in mixer except pecans. Shape as desired and then cover with nuts... It is really good!

Do you have a magickal name?Not really. I did have when I first found paganism. But, now I am just "me"
What does it mean?N/A
How did you find Wicca/Paganism?Actually on the internet. Thanks to Scooby Doo... Lol. Long story.
How long have you been praticing?6 years +
Solitary or group pratictioner?Both. I have a small coven, but I also really like to practice alone.
What is your path?Traditional Witchcraft.
Are you out of the broom closet?Yep. For the most part. I don't like announce it. If it comes up, I am honest.
Who is your patron God?The Greenman
Who is your patron Goddess?The Goddess
What Gods do you worship?See above. But I don't really "worship"
What Goddesses do you worship?See above. But I don't really "worship"
Do you fear darkly aspected Gods/Goddess, or rather respect them?Definitely respect. The universe is all about balance. The dark has its place as does the light.
Do you worship the Christian God?Ummmm, No.
Do you ever worship animals?Not worship, but sometimes I talk to them. I know it sounds crazy, but they send messages sometimes.
Or plants?Again, Not worship, but I do find nature and all plant life amazing.
Do you regularly commune with nature?Yes. I love to be outside with my toes dug into the earth.
Ever walked barefoot in the woods?Absolutely.
Taken a camping trip just to talk to nature?No, but I would love to.
Describe the moment you felt closeest to Mother Earth?Brenda, Michele, and I did a spell. We took our shoes off and we were near water under the full moon surrounded by trees, the wind was blowing.... Very powerful moment.
What is your power animal?Eagle
Do you have a familar?My cat PJ.
Have you ever called upon the powers of an animal in ritual?Maybe a long time ago... I don't think it worked! lol
Or a plant?No
Do you hug trees?Sometimes!
Give them gifts?All of the time. I like to leave little offerings often.
What is your favorite flower to work with??
Whats if your favorite tree to work with??
Wheel of the Year
What is your favorite holiday?Ostara
What if your least favorite holiday?? I don't really have one
Have you ever held a ritual on a holiday?Every one.
Ever taken a day of work to celebrate a pagan holiday?Yep.
Do you celebrate Yule on the 21 rather than the 25?We celebrate both. We have Yule with the kids on Yule. We make a huge dinner, exchange a few gifts, do our ritual... Then we have santa on the 25th. We have thought hard about changing that this year.
Have you ever felt the Veil thin?Oh yes. Definitely more so around Samhain, but at other times as well...
Ever danced the Maypole?No sadly, no maypole. Unless we are talking about my husbands anatomy... lol
Know what the Maypole symbolizes?Er... Yes, see above. The maypole is a phallic symbol. (representing a "penis") The red and white on the pole are for blood and semen I believe... Gory, huh? It represents the sexual union of the God and Goddess and actually Beltaine is a great holiday.
Ever made love on Beltaine?Abso-freakin-lutely.
How do you usually celebrate the pagan holidays?We usually gather with our coven, have a nice meal or alot of appropriate snacks, hold a ritual, and then drink in the spirits... literally. I mean like wine, beer, etc.
Do you use Tarot?Yes.
Do you use runes?Sometimes.
Do you use a pendulum?Rarely. I have a cool one though.
Do you use dowsing rods?No.
Do you use astrolgy?Sometimes.
Any other form of divination?Bibliomancy, Scrying, Omens.
What was the first spell you did?For a job.
What was the latest?For prosperity and success in the home.
Ever done a love spell?Nope, don't believe in em.
A job spell?Yes
A healing spell?Absolutely
What was the most powerful spell you've ever performed?Which one? haha! Anything the girls and I do together really packs a HUGE punch. You can feeel the residual energy for days after...
What deities do you usually call on?God and Goddess
Do you belive in Vampires?I wish. I think they are drop dead sexy! lol
Shapeshifters?In a different sense. Think Shaman.
Elves?Yes. They live in trees and make cookies!.... Oh wait, those are Keebler Elves!
Faries?I didn't used to... But, Michele is making me wonder!
Dragons?Um, no. I know of a guy who thought he was one though.
Mermaids?I'd like to think so. When I saw the ocean for the first time this summer, I thought about that.... How beautiful they would be.
Ever "seen" any of the above?Um. No.
Ever talked to any of the above?No
Ever used any of the above in magick?No
Do you have one of them as a personal guardian?No
Do you see a rabbit, a man or a woman in the moon?A woman of course!
Own a cat?3 cats. Triniti, Polly Jean, and Athena
When you mediate what does your happy place look like?Oh... It is wooded. Teh sun filtering through the branches just right. There is a stream nearby and rocks of amber where I find messages!
Do you work with Chakras?Sometimes
Do you belive in past lives?Yes
If so, descirbe a few briefly.I believe I may have been hung in a past life. I have had weird dreams since I was a kid. Also about wolves and being chased, but the hanging one is old. The clothes I have on, the voices.... creepy.
Do you belive in soul mates?I think so. But maybe not like they show on TV!
Ever meet one?Yea.
Do you have a spriit guide?Not really
Is it always love and light?Absolutely NOT.

I gotta get this!

The cover of the game 'Playing Gods' reads "Vengeance is yours!" and shows deities and prophets, including Buddha firing a machine gun.

Wholesale slaughter of innocents is nothing new in games — board or online — where players adopt godlike figures to whack others along their way to victory.
But a new board game replaces ancient gods or invented goddesses with game characters from major religions of the modern world.

Playing Gods: The Board Game of Divine Domination bills itself as "the world's first satirical board game of religious warfare."

FAITH & REASON: What gamers are saying about 'Playing Gods'

Three-inch plastic figurines include Jesus bashing people with a cross, Moses slugging away with the tablets of the Ten Commandments, the Buddha with a machine gun, and a turbaned fellow with a bomb and a dagger vaguely hinting at Mohammed, all to be set loose to "force the people of the world to worship you."

The game was introduced in September at DragonCon, the annual pop culture, fantasy and science fiction convention in Atlanta, where it caught on with "religious folks with a sense of humor" as well as skeptics, says its creator, Ben Radford, 38, of Rio Rancho, N.M., managing editor of Skeptical Inquirer magazine.

Radford says "much of the world's violence is rooted in religion," so he thought directly mocking various images of God and religious followers would "make more social commentary" and "pierce the pretensions of extremist religious zealotry with humor."

Players can choose among the five figurines or make one for themselves with stickers for a "god" who resembles Oprah, a stein of beer or Satan or add a word label such as Islam, technology, even "the Almighty Dollar."

Says Radford, "I didn't want to leave out a Muslim figure just because it might be offensive. The game is satire. But I went out of my way to be innocuous. The figure is not named. It could be any Muslim leader.

The figurines move across a global game board drawing cards that promise wrath with natural disasters or woo converts with kindness or cleverness. Colored chips represent each god's sects or followers.

A typical steely grey wrath card would "Bring down the Darkness: Kill two sects," while a sunny yellow conversion card recalls Elijah's showdown with a priest of Baal in the Bible (1 Kings 18:38). "Another god's follower challenges you to prove you exist; you fry him with lightening in front of a crowd. Gain one sect."

But just like sexy magazines on a family news stand, the most potentially offensive cards come in a separate wrapper.

"Overemphasis on guilt drives millions to depression and suicide. Kill three Christian sects," it says under the image of the wrathful Jesus.

"Endless 'War on Terror' provides terrorist job stability. Gain three Muslim sects," says a card with the Middle Eastern bomb thrower image.

Still, Radford argues, Playing Gods is a statement of peace, "not anti-religion. It's anti-zealot, anti- people who kill for their beliefs, whatever those are."

The way to win the game, however, is by a combination of killing and conversion.

"I have to be honest with you: Killing is very popular. When people become Gods, they like laying down the locusts and the other Old Testament plagues," says Radford.

In that respect, Playing Gods resembles the video game tradition it emulates — fantasy violence for entertainment, says Carl Raschke, professor of religious studies at University of Denver.

The game's perspective "has no basis in historical reality and doesn't actually represent any religion. It just appeals to people who hate religion to begin with — the hip subculture of militant popular atheists," says Raschke.

"These people are fanatics, for the most part, themselves. Their thinking is rigid and hostile and not much different from jihadists who don't use their minds or study what they are dealing with. They start from their own dogmatic perspective."

Offensive? Says Raschke, "Of course it is. But it sounds too stupid to go far."

The $39.99 game is available online and in independent game stores but, Radford acknowledges, "the big chain stores aren't going to touch a game like this."

(Shamelessly Re-posted from another blog! ;) )

Pagan parents have a unique task-that of teaching pagan values to their children in a world hostile to alternative religions. The following pagan child-raising ideas and values will be helpful when considering your children's pagan learning experiences, no matter what tradition you practice.

A is for Actions. Your own actions and deeds speak loudest of all. If you want them to learn your chosen path, teach them about it with actions, not just words.

B is for Beauty. Show your children the beauty in nature and the other life on this planet. Teach them to preserve that beauty for the future.

C is for Consistency. Hold to the same principles and practices. Keep your actions consistent with your words.

D is for Doing. Teach your children the old ways by doing pagan projects and crafts with them. Projects such as recycling show them that doing what they can to help the Earth is essential.

E is for Enthusiasm. Let your children see your enthusiasm for the old ways, and they will develop it, too. Take them on nature walks, and other places where they can learn to understand the Goddess and Her creations first hand.

F is for Faith. Faith in themselves and their abilities helps children to handle any situation they may find themselves in. Give them suitable tasks to perform. Their completion will boost self-esteem.

G is for Goddess and God. Teach your children the deities of your tradition. Explain who they are and what function they have in your life and rituals. Instruct them in simple chants they can use on their own.

H is for Holidays. Celebrate your tradition's holidays with rituals and appropriate decorations. Sabbats and Esbats both show children what it means to be Pagan. They should be allowed to participate as much as possible.

I is for Imagination. Always foster imagination in your child. Your child's imagination may illuminate part of the path you never noticed before.

J is for Joy. Always approach the teaching of your children with a joyful spirit. Show your child the joy of honoring the Goddess and God, and following the ancient paths.

K is for Knowledge. Knowledge is power. If your children are properly prepared, they will be able to answer questions about their beliefs, and defend themselves in an educated manner against those hostile to their beliefs.

L is for Listening. Listen to your children, and they will learn to listen to others. Their thoughts will give you insights into how they see the world.

M is for Myths. The myths of your traditions will delight and entertain as well as teach. Stories are a great way of telling the child about your deities.

N is for Never. Never forget to tell your children about the past. Tell them about the burning times, and other dark times for Pagans. We must never forget these things, lest they be repeated.

O is for Outdoors. Share with your children the splendor of the great outdoors. Perform rituals outside whenever possible. Help them understand that all things are connected (and sacred) to each other.

P is for Power. Teach them to recognize the power inherent in all things. Introduce them to personal power and divine power. Carefully instruct them in the use of power and the responsibility that goes with it.

Q is for Questions. Your children will have many questions along the way. Always answer them truthfully and to the best of your ability. Never discourage questions from children.

R is for Ritual. Rituals are an important part of all traditions. Let your children participate as much as their age will allow. A young child may only be able to help set up the altar. Older ones can join in the chants, drumming, or dancing.

S is for Sharing. Sharing is an important lesson. Here is where you must set a prime example for your child. By sharing the old ways, you are giving them an honorable path they can follow all their lives.

T is for Tolerance. Teach your child tolerance for all the others who share this planet. Remember that there is no one right path. Tolerance, however, should have its limits. Explain that they should never tolerate abuse for their beliefs.

U is for Understanding. Be understanding when your child is slow to grasp something new. Their understanding of the old ways takes time and patience.

V is for Vision Quest. Vision questing is something most older children will enjoy, especially when seeking their personal power animals. Power animals usually become very important to children, as something they can call on when they are alone.

W is for Wisdom. There is no substitute for wisdom. It is something your children will gain from your instruction and their experiences. Teach them wisely and you will be rewarded.

X is for Examine. eXamine your principles and practices constantly to be sure that you are not sending mixed messages. Confusion and inconsistency, helps no one.

Y Is for You. Don't spend so much time worrying about your children that you forget about your own spiritual and physical needs. The way you treat yourself sets an example, good or bad.

Z is for Zeal. Always share your zeal for life, nature, and the old ways. You will be rewarded with your child's eagerness to learn all about them. Don't forget to praise children for a job well done. You will be glad you did.

by Kirin Lee, from Llewellyn's 1998 Magical Almanac

Gettin' over the mango rolls... Although I am seriously craving them BADLY. Can't stop thinking about the damn things... So freaking yummy....

I am sick. I think I have a sinus infection. Fever, green slime oozing from orifices, sneezing, coughing. You getting the picture here? lol. I am getting an antibiotic tonight, so I will be getting better soon! It sucks working when you feel like horsehit. and horseshit too. I can't type today and am just too lazy to go back and fix the typo! Ha!

Chad is working a crap load of hours this week. I am getting caught up on bills and housework... Fucking yay. Tonight, I am going to start a few special projects and then we will see. Maybe I will read. Maybe I will write something brilliant. Perhaps, I will make more cookies. I have been baking like a fiend, or maybe I will call a new friend and chat. (probably about my obsession with mango rolls... ) Seriously.

My Mango Roll Haiku

Dreaming of Sushi
Mouth waters crispy mango
Sticky rice delight...

Well, that did it. Now that I have already written something brilliant for the day, I guess I can go home and lay on my ass and watch CSI re-runs.

Gods, what I wouldn't give for a damn mango roll right about now...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

On a journey

So, left work early to meet with this Crisis behavioral team. On the way home, I called Colin's psychiatrist who has been less than helpful lately. I think he feels as if he has failed in some way too... Anyway, he said to bring him right in. We made some progress, he validated my feelings and thoughts on Colin's meds and finally decided to let me trial him on Risperdal. It was recently approved for use in children with ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). Here is a link to a website about it!

I am excited. Hopefully, his mood will become better. After that appt, I raced home to meet the behavioralist. They had some good insight and referred me to some new resources as well... Hopefully, this is a turning point! I was so sad and frustrated today. Felt like my world just crumbled. But I definitely think we are heading the right way.

It has been a sad day today. Colin is having more issues with his behavior. I had to call a crisis team today... I am so embarassed, but he really jacked up my shoulder and sprained my wrist last night. All over a video game... Yikes. It is so sad. He was really remorseful today, but how do we keep him from getting to that point? We are working on it everyday. Chad was great with him today and had a good talk with him and I think that helped, but I am so sad about it. It is so hard to have your own son hurt you like that! Ugh... Okay. Just venting.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

A poem I read today that made me cry....

What do you see?

"What do you, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise?
Uncertain of habit with faraway eyes.

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
when you say in a loud voice, 'I do wish you'd try;'
who seems not to notice the things that you do,
and forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Is that what you're thinking?
Is that what you see?
Then, open your eyes . . .
you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,
as I do your bidding, as I eat (at) your will.

I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother,
brothers and sisters who love one another.

A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet,
dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.

A bird soon at 20, my heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows (that) I promised to keep.

At 25 now, I have young of my own,
who need me to build a secure, happy home.

A woman of 30, my young . . . grows fast,
bound to each other with ties that should last.

At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,
but my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.

At 50, more babies’ play round my knee;
again, we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.
I look to the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing (the) young of their own,
and I think of the years and the love I have known.

I'm an old woman now, and nature is cruel.
'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles; grace and vigor depart.
There (now is) a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,
and now and again, my heart (truly) swells.
I remember the joy, I remember the pain,
and I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,
and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So, open your eyes, nurses, and see . . .
Not a crabby old woman, look closer, see me."

-Author Unknown-or-Is She-

Today, despite a few "things" that are bothering me, I feel accomplished. I got called into work today to cover for a nurse that called in sick. I didn't mind. I had been gone all week for a business trip and really did miss the residents. My staff was so stressed out. The director has been utterly negative and mean to everyone. I am a little worried about her. I am wondering about a breakdown seriously. I am not sure she was cut out for the job. She seems to be a big talker who can't really walk the walk. I shouldn't even care about her or her feelings because of the way she treats me. She is so rude and selfish. Everything is about HER. Down to the most ridiculous tiny things. She is jealous and cold hearted and has treated me badly. But, nonetheless, I am still concerned. I hate to see anyone suffer and I really wonder if she bit off more than she could chew with this job. Anyway, I went out and bought all of the nursing staff lattes and worked very hard to be sure that they had a god day. Of course, this meant that I worked my little fanny off. But, I do that anyway. It was a great day. Another day filled with validation and people telling me how much they appreciate me. It felt good.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

February- Boris Pasternak

February. Get ink, shed tears.
Write of it, sob your heart out, sing,
While torrential slush that roars
Burns in the blackness of the spring.

Go hire a buggy. For six grivnas,
Race through the noice of bells and wheels
To where the ink and all you grieving
Are muffled when the rainshower falls.

To where, like pears burnt black as charcoal,
A myriad rooks, plucked from the trees,
Fall down into the puddles, hurl
Dry sadness deep into the eyes.

Below, the wet black earth shows through,
With sudden cries the wind is pitted,
The more haphazard, the more true
The poetry that sobs its heart out.

Me and my girl

Jen and Michele

My girls

Me and my grrls!

Me drinkin wine from a BAG... Slapped that bitch! LOL!

Jen and Chad

Me and the Gorilla, Chad! Don'tcha wish ya had socks like mine?

What about the nana?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The day the saucers came- Neil gaiman

Read this on another blog and found it fitting for today.

The Day the Saucers Came

That day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden,
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes,
And the people of Earth stood and stared as they descended,
Waiting, dry-mouthed to find what waited inside for us
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow
But you didn't notice it because

That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth
or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran,
But you did not notice this because

On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us
A ship built of dead-man's nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold, and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out
But you did not see them coming because

On the saucer-zombie-battling gods day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true brave hearts and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across the land, and killer bees,
But you had no idea of any of this because

That day, the saucer day the zombie day
The Ragnarok and fairies day, the day the great winds came
And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling us we would obey, the day
Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering capes and arrival of the Time Machine day,
You didn't notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything
not even reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.

Seriously. I feel like I am buried in a trash heap... reminds me of a song..

The moon hangs like the blade of an axe tonight,
and it's poised to drop sometime soon enough on this dump truck where I lie
mixed up with the morning's trash.
There's a piece of glass sticking in my back
and tar covering my mouth.
But it's okay
cause I'm still breathing
and my hands are free of the heap.
And I think that I see that big blade falling.
And I think that I see that big blade coming.
And the pressure is getting to me
and the waste in which I sit is just lurking beside me.
And I can't tell if it's me
or the meat that's rotting.
I'm gonna have to give up sometime soon.
But it's okay
cause I'm still breathing
and my hands are free of the heap.
And I think that I see that big blade falling.
And I think that I see that big blade coming.
You can watch me disappear.
You can watch me.
All I'm losing is me.
And I think that I see that big blade falling.
And I think that I see that big blade coming
to slice open a great canyon through the earth
so you can watch me disappear.

(Saves the Day)


I am dragging ass today. I have so much to do at home and am caught up here at work... Makes for a damn long day. I am going to take off early. I have a business trip the next few days. I am going to Indy for company training. It should be informative ad hopefully fun. I am just uneasy about being away from my family... Hopefully, it will go quickly!

This weekend was fun. But busy. Saturday was the big Halloween bash! Chad and the boys and I all went over to help set up and then went back later for the party. It was alot of fun. I was wasted as usual. Apparently, I was embarassing. Maybe it was all the cartwheels. A drunken banana doing cartwheels... Yea, I went as a freaking banana. I had alot of fun though. My husband went as a gorilla... It was pretty silly. I suppose I am still recovering. I drank a bunch of vitamin water yesterday... Man, I am getting old.