Consonants and Vowels...

As I go on my journey that is my life, I am inclined to write about experiences or feelings, share pics, recipes, ideas, oh just whatever may pop into my cluttered brain. Feel free to read and or share if you so desire...

Friday, October 31, 2008

On days such as these...

I am thankful for best friends who will take the time to help me see straight even when they are sick and busier than hell with issues much larger than my own...

Love ya Brenda.

I am feeling much better now.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

McCain is the "Shit"

McCain leads Ohio's litter box 'Kitty Caucus'
56 mins ago

COLUMBUS, Ohio – To put it in a tasteful way, a vote in Ohio is determining which White House hopeful is the pick of the litter. The ballot boxes are cat litter boxes in the 2008 "Kitty Caucus" being conducted by the Capital Area Humane Society in Columbus and local radio station WBNS-FM, known as Mix 97.1.
The presidential preferences of the animal shelter's feline residents are being determined by their "votes" dropped into a red box for Republican John McCain and a blue one for Democrat Barack Obama.
The radio station's Web site calls the Kitty Caucus "a political movement that really counts."
Perhaps thankfully, the site doesn't go into detail about how the votes are being counted. But it says McCain was leading Thursday by a close 50 to 49.
On the Net:
WBNS-FM Kitty Caucus page:
Capital Area Humane Society:

I cannot stop laughing over this one!

Just beneath my skin lies a fury
agitated and unrestrained
it eats at me as a cancer
blinds me with bitter rage
The window it always looks brighter
than the door I 've come in before
Thought maybe I'd jump right outside it
But I just landed back on this forsaken floor
Bruised up and tattered
my ego it crashes
as the rest of me tries
to rise up from the ashes.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Samhain Sentiments

At Samhain, I remember where I came from. My ancestors. All of those collaborative souls who came together and whose essence has made me who I am today. I wonder all the time, where some of my traits and quirks have come from. Have you ever just sat back and thought about all of the people who have lived over aeons of years in order for you to have arrived?

It's simply amazing.

I feel so very connected to the earth and energy in general right now. I have had many unusual dreams and many premonitions or omens. Very interesting. The universe likes to try and teach me lessons in unique and interesting ways. I feel so close to the spirit world and those who have gone before. Grandpa Stoltz has been leaving me pennies... I'd give more than a penny for his thoughts about now! :)

The colors are beautiful, breathtaking. Red, amber, Gold, brown... The smoky dusky scent in the air, it's death. But it is beautiful, isn't it? Every year at Samhain I am reminded that death is inevitable and part of the incredible life that we all have a chance to live. The wheel turns, life goes on. With or without us. So, I imagine we should choose to be happy instead of miserable. Find one thing in your life that you can change to make your life simpler or happier...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"Because you are a sinner, that is why"

Never did I expect to hear that phrase uttered as a reason for my child's Autism.

However, today I did. I went to the pharmacy to pick up Colin's meds. The pharmacist there is very nice and we usually chit chat a bit. He has a daughter with a similar disorder as Colin's. So we discuss meds, treatments, etc. I have been going to this particular pharmacy for over 6 months now. Anyway, the usual gabbing led to him explaining that he went to a seminar on these types of disorders such as Autism and he discovered that the reason his daughter had the problems she did was because he needed to be "repentant"... He spoke so quickly and so excitedly, I had to ask him several times to repeat himself. But, apparently, he and his wife had not repented for their sins and accepted Jesus into their lives and that is why their child was afflicted with Autism. He said that he paid money... went to a seminar where he could repent and learn to repent some more and that his daughter is now off of her meds. (He chortled when I asked how her behavior was off of the meds and then he said that maybe he had some more praying to do.) He flat out said that I probably had some repenting to do and should look into this spirit root cause for Colin's condition...

I got home and pulled up the website. Holy Shit. For about 300 dollars and the expense to fly or drive to my choice of 5 states, they will teach me how to repent and touch on the important issues that may have caused my child's sickness, such as:

1. Sin & Spirit World Realities
2. Separation
3. Seven Steps to Sin
4. Roots of Disease
5. Walk-Out
6. Bitterness
7. Accusation
8. Door Points
9. Water Baptism
10. Nutrition
11. Occultism
12. Envy/Jealousy
13. Rejection
14. 8R’s to Freedom
15. Unloving Spirits
16. Addictions (sugar, video games etc.)
17. Fear
18. Blocks to Healing
19. Gifts & Baptism with the Holy Spirit

And to quote their site:

"Many diseases are the result of separation between God, yourself, and others. For My Life™ identifies and ministers to the root causes behind these separations. "

I hate to sound so fucking cynical, but seriously. I wanted to tell this mother f***er off so badly. But, I could not. I feel sorry for him. I really do. And all of the other poor folks that have bought into this crap. It is so hard to have a child with a problem. As a parent, you blame yourself everyday. Even if the proof is glaring you in the face that it is NOT your fault, you still go down that sorry and depressing road. Leave it to a few assholes to capitalize on these poor parent's guilt. However, I suppose if you are interested in this sort of C-R-A-P here is the website.

Have Fun.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Samhain creeping closer

I am anxiously awaiting Samhain. It should be a wonderful ritual this year. I have such great friends and a kick ass coven. Seriously. I am very lucky to have them all. They are my family. I am looking forward to a great year. I am working on a ritual and will post some of it as I finish it.

The Vaccinated vs. Unvaccinated Children Survey:
We surveyed over 9,000 boys in California and Oregon and found that vaccinated boys had a 155% greater chance of having a neurological disorder like ADHD or autism than unvaccinated boys.

In 1983, the Centers for Disease Control recommended a total of 10 vaccines for our children. In 2008, the CDC recommends 36, an increase of 260%. (See a comparison here.) Yet, no studies have ever been done to compare neurological disorder ("ND") rates of unvaccinated children to vaccinated children. We commissioned a national market research firm to survey more than 17,000 children in California and Oregon. Read the results here.

Our children are experiencing epidemics of ADD/ADHD, Asperger's, PDD-NOS, and Autism.

We believe these neurological disorders ("NDs") are environmental illnesses caused by an overload of heavy metals, live viruses, and bacteria. Proper treatment of our children, known as "biomedical intervention", is leading to recovery for thousands.

The cause of this epidemic of NDs is extremely controversial. We believe the cause includes the tripling of vaccines given to children in the last 15 years (with unstudied ingredients like mercury, aluminum and live viruses); growing evidence also suggests that maternal toxic load and prenatal vaccines, heavy metals like mercury in our air, toxic ingredients in our water, pesticides; and the overuse of antibiotics are also implicated. Generation Rescue's mission is to support continued research on causative factors and treatment approaches for NDs.

Generation Rescue is a parent-founded, parent-led organization of more than 900 mentor families and leading researchers and clinicians from around the globe. Our mission is to continue to discover and share the truth with families about the potential cause of their child's NDs so they can focus on effective treatments.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Last night

Was a damn BLAST. Chad and I went out and had dinner with some very good friends. It was awesome! Even had a martini... Thanks, Brenda! Then, it was off to a local bar for some crazy music. The place was a dive, sure. But, it rocked! I had so much damn fun! No chocolate cake shots there... They did not have Frangelico... but they had like 25 kinds of whiskey... I did say dive, right? But, we tried carrot cake shots and they weren't bad. Jim even mademe suck down a Jager bomb... I get shivers just saying the name! Heather and Chris were a blast, Brenda was her usual riot of a self ( I LOVE you Brenda!) and Jim and Chad kept the laughs and the drinks coming. Chad was even drunk, he usually doesn't drink alot, He was so damn funny! I got to meet a friend of Chad's from work and his wife. She was really cool and I think my drunken self was a bit too friendly. I do that from time to time. Which explains why I kissed both Brenda AND Heather on the lips that night! ;) Yikes. I am such a silly happy drunk. I danced and dreamed about taking a bath... (If Heather only read this damn thing!) lol... Anyway, Here is to AWESOME friends. Love you guys!

Friday, October 17, 2008

My Favorite Prayer

Make me strong in spirit
Courageous in action
Gentle of heart

Let me act in wisdom
Conquer my fear and doubt
Discover my own hidden gifts

Meet others with compassion
Be a source of healing energies
And face each day with hope and joy

~ Abby Willowroot © 1998

I was chosen to write a short article for a local newspaper called Senior Life... This is what I submitted!


Dementia Support at XXXXXXX

We know having someone with dementia in your life can be very difficult. At XXXXXX, our lives have all been touched by dementia in one way or another. Everyone has a story to tell relating to why we are here, caring each and every day. We are here to help.

Dementia progresses differently in every one affected. It can be a rapid or slow progression. But the one thing that remains constant is your loved one has changed and may keep changing. You may feel as if you don’t recognize them for whom they were. They may not recognize you. Your relationship with them changes.

What we need to do first and foremost is realize that although that person we loved may not be acting the same, they are the same person we loved. The same role model we had growing up. The same mothers who shared bedtime stories with us, and made us special snacks, or really let us have it when we deserved it. The Dads that made sure we knew the difference between right and wrong, who helped us make those really tough decisions as we grew up. Maybe it is a brother or sister who you used to look up to or fight with all of the time! They deserve respect. They deserve our time and our love. Our acceptance.

At XXXXXXX, we embrace individuality and cater to everyone we meet with an open mind and a loving heart. We are truly here to help. In order to give back to our community and to our resident’s loved ones, our support group for elder care will begin early 2009. For more information contact Jen at XXX-XXXX.

Jen Logan LPN Case Manager

I am in love with today. It is Friday. Chad is off this weekend... We are going on a date! Have a sitter and everything!

I am getting my hair chopped today... I am so excited. I love a makeover! lol Should be exciting. I will post some pics when I can. Before and after if I can!

Work is busy, but going well. I am filled with happiness today despite the dim weather. It is cloudy and grey and chilly, but the leaves are beautiful and I can smell the earth on the breeze. It is absolutely beautiful.

I found some funny quotes on work...

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here - I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but, I don't understand a damn word you're saying
10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.>
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you! We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you does not mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny-ass opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humor - Only different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to STUN?
38. I thought I wanted a career! It turns out, I just wanted a salary.
39. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute! I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality

Monday, October 13, 2008


This weekend was a whirlwind! I went to my son's football semi-finals Sat am and then left for Kankakee, IL right after. It is a 3 1/2 hr drive from Ft Wayne. Just me and the boys. Chad had to work. I really missed him. Anyway, we drove to see my family. I love them all so much. What a great bunch of laid back people. They just love me for who I am. We celebrated my Bday while I was there and I got a bunch of "witch" stuff... Even a hat that reads "Witchful Thinking..." lol. My family accepts me. They encourage me. Sometimes, they inspire me!

Today, work has been crazy. One of those days where you sorta have to convince yourself that it will all be a-ok. ha! My mind is just a whirlwind. But, I stopped a few minutes ago and walked outside. It is gorgeous. Full moon time here again. I LOVE the energy it brings. I can't wait for tonight...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

My work

Yesterday was a challenging day for me. While I like being the center of attention, I had to lead a lecture on dementia and then initiate a support group. It was a teaching circle of sorts and it was my creation. I did very well. I was so nervous. But, I pulled it off. It was incredible. I made alot of folks feel better. Dementia is an awful disease and it is so hard to deal with when a loved one gets it! I love my job though. I feel as if I am blossoming. "Becoming". I love that word.

I was honored to be nominated to chair our Dementia Ed Committee and even blushed when I found out that our corporate office has issued some ofmy work for use in ALL of our facilities... Wow. I feel so special and honored.

My job is tough. Oh, the stories I could share...LOL. I run a Dementia Unit in an assisted living community... It is tough, but very rewarding work. I LOVE my job.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


Sometimes I feel as if no matter what I do, I am invisible. I don't really matter. It doesn't happen every day, but enough. Maybe I am "high maintenance" as I was told a few days ago. Maybe I expect too much. Some days I just feel like life really sucks ass. Money, kids, bills, work, housework, personal satisfaction, love... How do you fit it all in and have it good? How do people accomplish it all? I am unsuccessful today. Sad. I needed some support, some good encouraging words and got my face pushed down in the mud instead. My gut feels wrenched. Ah well, I shall move on. and prevail today despite it's dark beginning...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Starhawk: regarding Palin

God On Our Side

Whenever I hear someone say, "God is on my side," I think, "Yep! Just another argument for polytheism." Because, hey, Sarah Palin's God may want her to build the pipeline, but I've had personal communication from Thundering Herds of Reindeer Gods that say, "No way!" Ereshkigal the Goddess of the Mesopotamian underworld is raging mad at the number of innocent children's souls she's had to process since the U.S. started bombing Iraq--she doesn't like that sort of thing. And the great, protective Earth Spirits who sleep in the bottom of oil reserves are roaring in my ear, "Disturb us at your peril!"

You think I'm kidding, perhaps. Think again.

Sure, we could do politics on this level. We all like to believe we're right, and we all like to think our righteousness is shared and affirmed by the very highest authorities. So bring on the Battle of the Gods--how much more dramatic and interesting than the battle of the policy wonks!

But as a Pagan and a Wiccan Priestess, (and we'll stack our weird beliefs against anyone's!) we're taught to be cautious about divine revelations, spirit communications, messages from the dead, and all such things. There's a strong bias and often an outright distortion that creeps in on the receiving end. If I already believe something, if I have a vested interest in its outcome, I'm not going to be a neutral, objective interpreter of God's take on the subject.

Moreover, when we claim God's mandate for a political position, an economic policy or a war, we are being deeply disrespectful of anyone who holds a differing opinion or hears a different voice. We verge on violating one of the fundamental principles in the Bill of Rights: freedom of religion. There's a thin line between claiming God's support and outlawing other Gods or interpretations. Our Constitution separates Church and State because the Founders had direct, unhappy experience with the oppression and persecution a state religion wields against dissenters.

For reasons which must be clear to the astute reader, I have a vested interest in weird and irrational religious beliefs not being a barrier to public office. But anyone who might be a heartbeat away from the highest office in the land must be someone we can trust to uphold the Constitution. She or he must be someone who respects the tremendous diversity of religions and spiritual beliefs in this country. And we must test their policies on the hard rocks of reality and merit, not the misty clouds of faith.

I love Eve Ensler. She says what so many of us want to say... A real woman.

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

On Cloud 9

I have no idea what the origin of that phrase is... I shall look it up!

"on cloud (number) nine", a phrase meaning happy, euphoric, or 'high'

Hmmm Okay, so yeah, cloud nine it is.

Life rocks. Even in the midst of drama, life's challenges, being broke... yada yada yada...

My son may finally get the help he needs. I am finally getting recognition and validation at work. I deperately need that. I work so hard. I got noticed and recognized by our corporate office. Soemthing that I put into action is acyually now being used in all of our buildings. I am so honored...