Consonants and Vowels...

As I go on my journey that is my life, I am inclined to write about experiences or feelings, share pics, recipes, ideas, oh just whatever may pop into my cluttered brain. Feel free to read and or share if you so desire...

Friday, July 31, 2009

Runes of the day...

The Cross spread is used to plot the arc of your life and the forces acting on it. It is the most popular spread, giving a very complete view of the situation. Stone Runes are most commonly used for questions about the natural world and things beyond human control.
The left rune represents an important element of the past. Man refers to Mankind and your interaction with the whole of human population. This rune is reversed, suggesting a separation from your fellow man. There is a lack of harmony in your interaction with others, either because you do not accept society or society does not accept you. Alternatively, this rune may also represent your separation from nature, and your ability to rise above the base level of being. As the rune is reversed, this may suggest an incomplete level of spiritual attainment or an intellectual block.
The middle rune represents a deciding element of the present. Ansuz is the spoken word of God. This rune is reversed, indicating that you are misunderstanding the divine voice or failing to hear it all. The word is always correct, so you must strive, whatever the difficulty, to hear correctly. Be wary of the advice you are given, for it may prove incorrect. Do not attribute infallibility to fallible sources...
The top rune represents a force that works for you. Wunjo is the rune of joy. The reversal of this rune suggests that joy is withheld. Since joy is frequently communal, this rune often suggests loneliness. Alternatively, some have seen Wunjo as the rune of perfection and the rune of the gods. Therefore this rune reversed could signal a feeling of separation from one's deity, or as imperfection in an important work.
The bottom Rune represents a force that works against you. Ger is one of the runes that touches on the cycles of the year, in this case the fall harvest. These cycles are eternal, which is represented in the rune by the fact that it is unchanged by reversal. Ger can represent pregnancy or other forms of fruitfulness, and is especially indicative of the cycles of providence and karma - that which has been sown is now being reaped. This rune can also represent the cycles of wealth, for crops were frequently a sign of wealth.
The right rune represents the critical element of the future, at the core of the final outcome. Nyd is frequently seen as a powerfully negative rune. You have drawn the rune reversed, which will lessen some of its effects. Generally Nyd represents loss, sorrow, and a hard journey with lessons learned. Nyd reversed here might be cautioning that the lessons might go unheeded representing repeated mistakes. The rune here might also be representing a minor loss or a nearly avoided catastrophe. Be careful, things are tricky and require strong attentiveness.

Harry Potter was Awesome!!! I loved it. I hadn't read this book yet. I enjoye dit very much and already see the plot continuing and KNOW that Harry wil work with his Godfather Sirius's brother to destroy Voldemort. (I haven't even read the books!) I am just that smart. ;)

We went to dinner at O'Charley's and then to the movie. I had wanted to see the 745 but Chad had shoppign to do , so we went later. It sucked because I had to be up at 5am for a nursing meeting that some dumbass Director of Nursing scheduled... (That would be me)... lol

I am tired today. Exhausted. Did not sleep well last night at all. Tossed and turned. Waves of nausea and I dreamt I was pregnant. I wonder who close to me will die... Everytime I have dreamt I was prego, someone I knew died... And when I dream that people die, I am pregnant! lol Seriously. I was sitting under a tree again pregnant and it was storming. But the tree protected me from the wind, the rain, lightning, etc. It is a crazy looking tree which I see... and I think I finally realized where I have seen it before...

My tattoo on my back... I designed this from the tree of life pics I had found and we placed the Goddess in the middle... Do you see her shape? Brenda had the same exact tat....

Life should be really exciting right now, but I am just so empty. Here at work, I am vivacious and crazy. When I get home, I shut down. It's sad. I will get through it.

Brenda is coming over tonight to finish writing Lammas rite and drink beer... Yay!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Excerpt- On the radio... Regina

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't

You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

And on the radio
You hear, 'November Rain'
That solo's awful long
But it's a good refrain
You listen to it twice
'Cause the DJ is asleep

On the radio, on the radio
On the radio, uh oh, on the radio, uh oh
On the radio, uh oh, on the radio

The Fork spread is used at critical turning points, to understand the dynamics of an important decision. Stone Runes are most commonly used for questions about the natural world and things beyond human control.
The left rune represents the first possible outcome. Isa is the rune symbolizing Ice - cold, stagnant, frozen, and unchanging. This rune suggests heat removed not just from anger or conflict, but from passion as well. Paradoxically, Isa conveys images of slippery slopes and unsure footing, but also of circumstances that have crystallized and become utterly immutable. Remember that in the cold north, ice is not just THE challenge to be overcome, but the very nature of the environment. Be courageous, for you work against this element every day. Will you fight alone or with others against this, our common foe? Is there much worse than lack of change?
The right rune represents the second possible outcome. Eoh refers to the Yew tree. The Yew does not go dormant and therefore represents endurance. Even the wood of the tree is strong, resilient, and pliable - the Yew bends, but does not break. The evergreen nature of the Yew is present even in the rune itself, as it cannot be changed even by reversal. This rune is historically symbolic of death, but, as in the Tarot and as suggested by the nature of the Yew tree itself, death is seen only as a transmutation of something eternal and unchanging - the spirit.
The bottom rune represents the critical factor that determines what will come to pass. Man represents Mankind. This rune evokes the image that although we must make much of our way in the world on our own, there is nevertheless an entire populous that shares similar experiences. Thus, this rune represents the relationship of the self with the whole - working together we can produce great results. Additionally, Man speaks to intellect and culture that separate us from the animals.

I cant get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perahaps its just my imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
Its time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least theres pretty lights
And though theres little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

I cant get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Its just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

I wondered how and/or why and where it was left... Just a small piece of wood with 2 lines. Yet filled with magic and meaning. Months ago, it could have been dropped? Left behind? or placed deliberately? not maliciously...? I discovered it a few months ago and it has been driving me crazy!

Freaking lines... Yet so much more. Conner found it and brought it to me. I stopped in my tracks, sat down, and tried to catch my breath. He looked worried, and asked me what it was.

Does ANYONE have any thoughts on how a rune, which was not mine, ended up in my home? Anybody? Anybody? .... Bueller?.... B-u-e-l-l-e-r?... lol


1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.
2. characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question.
3. tediously dull, esp. due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless: a stupid party.
4. annoying or irritating; troublesome: Turn off that stupid radio.
5. in a state of stupor; stupefied: stupid from fatigue.
6. Slang. excellent; terrific.
7. Informal. a stupid person.

Last night I dreamt again. 2 lines. So insignificant until crossed and left in my magic room. I just keep wondering what it all means and what the intent was... and if it backfired.

My dream was pleasant, but again, estranged feeling. But it was peaceful and light. I remember the laughter bubbling up... lol



The necessity of dealing with severe Constraint ls the lesson of Nauthiz. The positive aspects of this Rune represent the limitations we directly cause ourselves; its negative side attracts limitations from those around us. Both are equally difficult to handle.

The role of Nauthiz is to identify our shadow, our dark and repressed side, places where growth has been stunted, resulting in weaknesses that we project onto others. Don't take this world personally, this Rune is saying: Work with the shadow, examine what: inside you magnetizes misfortune into your life. When at last you can look upon Nauthiz with a smile, you will recognize the troubles denials, and setbacks of life as your teachers, guides and allies.

The need for restraint is unquestionable here. Drawing this Rune indicates that there will be holdups, reasons to reconsider your plans carefully. There is work to be done on your self. So take it on with good will and show perseverance.

This is a time to pay off old debts, to restore, if not harmony, at least balance. So mend, restore, redress - when fishermen can't go to sea they repair nets. Let the Constraints of the time serve you in righting your relationship to your Self. Be mindful that rectification comes before progress. And once again, consider the uses of adversity.

Reversed: As part of the Cycle of initiation, Nauthiz is the great teacher disguised as the bringer of pain and limitation. It has been said that only at the point of greatest darkness do we become aware of the Light within us by which we come to recognize the true creative power of the self.

When something within us is disowned, that which is disowned wreaks havoc. A cleansing is re- quired here; in undertaking it you fund a will and strengthen character. Begin with what is most difficult and proceed to what is easy. Or, conversely, begin with what is easy and proceed to what is most difficult. Either way, remember that "suffering," in its original sense, merely meant "undergoing." Thus you are re- quired to undergo the dark side of your passage, and bring it in to the Light. Controlling your anger, restrain- ing your impulses, keeping your faith firm - all this is at issue here. Modesty and good temper are essential at such a time.

Magic Use
need, sorrow
removing unwanted
influences, breaking
destructive patterns

The necessity of earning to deal with severe restraint.

Identify your shadows, your dark or repressed side.
Look where growth has been stunted resulting in

Pay of old debts, mend repair and redress, restore

Rectification must precede progress.

Consider the uses of adversity.
Pain and limitation is the great teacher in disguise.

Only in the greatest darkness is the true creative
power of the self recognized.

A cleansing is needed.

Begin with the most difficult and proceed to the
easy; or vice versa.

Suffering is merely an undergoing. Modesty and
good temper will stand you in good stead at this
very challenging time of your life.
poverty, hardship, responsibility, discontent, obstacle,
constraint, frustration, delays, innovation, survival,
endurance, patience, recognition of one's fate, face
your fears

Maybe I should see a Dr.... I cried in my driveway for 20 minutes last night talking to my mom. I didn't even want to go in. (Despite my new phone being just inside! ;) ) I finally just sucked it up and went inside. The house was TRASHED. The kids were chasing each other and screaming, They had been "folding" laundry, it was all over the living room, it appeared as if they were launching clothing grenades at each other as if in a war... Husband sleeping upstairs. They hadn't eaten lunch or had their medication for the day. I just cried some more... Started dinner, I made sloppy joes, homemade. They were so much better than the pre made stuff. Then I left. I drove for about an hour, listened to the radio, it pissed me off too, so I drove in silence. I picked up a couple (2 only) beers at Belmont. My Mothership wit that I love so much...

By the time I got home, the kids had the laundry folded and they were apologetic. Husband still sleeping. Apparently he had stayed up intil 11 am playing computer games, so I was on my own until he got up. We ate dinner and then I played with my new phone. I really like it alot! I deserve it. (I got it for free... :) ) So, you can't beat that.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Shitty Day

This has been a supremely shitty day. I had alot to do today, had a nurse and an aide call in. Not to mention that I had to work for 2 hours on my husbands FMLA paperwork, because he "forgot" and if it wasn't turned in today, he could lose his job!!!!! UGH. Ya know, I am tired of doing it all. I had to shrug off work duties here today at a NEW job in order to save his ass!~ I wonder if he will appreciate it.

He has Lupus. Anyone know alot about this disorder? I am trying to learn. It is limiting so much... He can't be in the sun and I LOVE to be outdoors... He is always tired and just wants to lay on the couch or play video games. He does NO work around the house. He eats, sleeps, and goes to work when he feels "well" enough. And here I am doing it ALL... I am tired, depressed. I have been crying alot. Trying to pay bills with money we don't have because he was home sick instead of working. Last night I drank myself to sleep. That is NOT good. That raspberry vodka was tasty, but seriously... Ok, OK.... I am done. NOBODY hear wants to listen to this whining. I have made my bed. I guess I have to just deal. If anyone knows about lupus, any info would be appreciated. I feel like a bitch even complaining, but how am I supposed to deal with this?

I am off to go home. My other job. My poor kids. I have to break out of this funk. I heard my new phone came today! I am a nerd and got a blackberry curve. I have had a pearl and wanted a bit of an upgrade. My job pays for this one! I guess that is a cool thing that happened today. So, tonight, I will play with my new phone and enter all the contacts, etc. YAY!

Sappy lyrics
Songwriters: Cobain, Kurt;

And if you save yourself
You will make him happy
He'll keep you in a jar
And you'll think you're happy

He'll give you breathing holes
And you'll think you're happy
He'll cover you with grass
And you'll think you're happy now

You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
The clue that came to you, oh

And if you cut yourself
You will think you're happy
He'll keep you in a jar
Then you'll make him happy

He'll give you breathing holes
Then you'll think you're happy
He'll cover you with grass
Then you'll think you're happy now

You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
The clue that came to you, oh

You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
The clue that came to you, oh

And if you fool yourself
You will make him happy
He'll keep you in a jar
Then you'll think you're happy

He'll give you breathing holes
Then you will seem happy
You'll wallow in the shit
Then you'll think you're happy now

You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
You're in a laundry room
The clue that came to you, oh

I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride and today, I feel like I want to hop right off!

This job is crazy. I keep hearing how good I am at it. :) The main issue is that the woman who I took over for was a nightmare and I am having to get all of her shit caught up as well as reorganize EVERYTHING!!!! :) I just keep on chugging. Today, I would like to escape and just go sit underneath a big tree on a blanket in the shade and watch the leaves dance and the sky wander by. Maybe pack a picnic, because I am hungry... :) Geez, that sounds so nice.

My kids are driving me crazy. Colin just turned 13 and it is like his brain has turned off... He can't follow rules, he is testing me at every turn. And Conner.... Well, he is just Conner. They fight non-stop and mess up the house. I think that is their job in life right now: To drive me CRAZY! lol!

My husband is still sick off and on with this Lupus stuff, and I feel like I am doing everything myself! Ever feel like you just don't have a partner? Like you're all alone. It won't get done if I don't do it! Bills, Housework, appointments, RX refills, Shopping, and working 60-70 hrs a week on top of that!! (Grumble Grumble)

The only peace I get is in my sleep, my dreams, and my daydreams. :) I am trying to delve into my spirituality... or lack there of. I feel very uninspired. Tired. Empty.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Settling in

Well, obviously in any type of management position, there is a certain re-organization that occurs. From the biggest details, (for example, I have had to fire 3 people... :( ) down to the nitty gritty details, like re-arranging my office and sneaking in the sage to get rid of all my predecessor's icky, negative energy! lol. I have been very busy and so tired. No time for myself. I worked 70 hours last week, did all the bills, the shopping, the housework, etc. I finally broke down and demanded help. So, things will hopefully improve. I know my husband has lupus, but that doesn't mean he can't fold a little laundry, right?!!! :)

Today, I awoke rejuvenated. I had a nice dream last night. Unexpected and a bit squirmy at first, but I settled in and it felt nice. Old, familiar scenery...

Anyway, My life is shaping up. One small, minute detail at a time!

Money is finally getting better. Slowly, but surely. It is mostly trying to keep my husband from recklessly spending all of our hard earned cash on silly shit. Like cigaretttes! :( Although, I have my own vices. Starbucks being one of them. :)

I took the kids to Flat top for dinner last night, that was fun. I am still disgusted by the combinations that they put in their bowls... Conner put noodles, edamame, pineapple, and teryiaki sauce... Ick. He ate the whole bowl. I went for the chicken, a bucnh of veggies and the black bean garlic sauce, over brown rice. It was yummy.

This weekend, I am having some friends over to celebrate Lammas. Opening my circle a bit. It should be interesting. I have a few extra friends I invited and a pagan fella from work. Should be fun. I shall get some beer and some veggies to celebrate the harvest and we shall all settle in for a nice celebratory evening! :)

Hope all of you are well.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Thunderstorms and Coffee

Yay... What a nice way to wake up. It has been a very rough week, and I am just sitting here, as the rain washes away the tired, stressed, tread marks in my mind! :) I am enjoying a relaxing morning!

Today, I clean the house, and get caught up on some R and R...

Job is going great. I am very excited about all of it. But, this weekend, as my mind wanders to the things I hve to do next week, I shall nudge myself back to a tranquil, quiet, non-work state of mind! :)

Sunday, July 5, 2009


Okay, I have returned at least momentarily to my blog... I have been so busy, I just haven't felt like blogging lately! Hope everyone is well, I will get caugh up on your blogs here in a moment...

I have been very busy at work. Working alot of hours, proving myself and it has finally paid off!!! I got promoted again! I am now the Dictor of Nursing! OMG! I have waited my entire nursing career fo this opportunity and it is now in front of me. I got a huge raise... (Well, what I consider huge, may be modest to some)... :) But I am extremely excited.

We have been having money issues again... Big suprise. Chad, my husband has been diagnosed with systemic lupus. So, we have had many medical bills of late, medication, and missed work hours on top of that! But, we are getting by! And things are about to at least be comfortable. I don't want to be rich, just comfy.
Last night, the 4th of July, everyone had parties at their places or at a friend or relatives to go to. Chad worked and I had absolutely NOTHING to do. Colin has met a new friend in the neighborhood. His name is Amado, he is Hispanic. I met his parents yesterday and they graciously (maybe forcefully :) ) invited me into their home for food and drinks. They have very little money. Husband has been out of work for over a year now and she works in a factory. They have a small house, a quarter of what mine is currently, little money and yet invited me, a stranger into their home and treated me like family. They had Latin music blaring, decorations everywhere, I ate a barbecued burger, which I have never had, some Spanish rice, and she made me a rum libation which would have knocked me on my ass if I had finished it! lol I sat there in this families back yard, listening to their stories, and I was... comfortable. I started thinking about my financial situation... Me and my husband both have great jobs. We waste alot of money. I think as I watched this family enjoy each other and laugh, living life happily, I realized that the most important things in this life really don't cost much! :)