Consonants and Vowels...

Today, I awoke refreshed, even before the alarm went off.  This is surprising as my wonderful family was up making noise past 11 and I got very little sleep! :(

But, now... I am exhausted again.  I have just gotten over the flu.  H1N1, no doubt.  Fever, chills, cough, vomiting, etc... It has lasted 5 days.  I don't have a fever so far today... But, I am wiped out.

I am having a Samhain ritual at my house tonight, approx 8 people are coming. I am excited, but at this moment... Want to go to sleep.  Badly.

Soon, we celebrate Samhain. The word means” summers end” The wheel turns as we glide into the dark… the cold. The colorful leaves dance in the cool, fragrant autumn breeze as the golden sun shine glitters. The days from here continue to grow shorter, the nights longer as the sun departs slowly to leave us in the cold. The last of the harvests. In more ancient times, we would be rushing to finish bringing in the last of our harvests, packing away and storing food for the long, cold winter to follow. Gathering wood for fires to keep us warm, fiber to keep our bodies warm.. This was extremely hard work and as we know, mother nature can be unpredictable so a sense of rush to get the harvest in and be ready for the cold. Samhain was then a celebration that the last of the harvests were in, that they were ready for the coming weather and it was a time of relaxation and rest.

The veil between our world and the spirit world has grown thin at this time. Allowing us to reach out to the ancestors who have passed before us. As we look at the passing of the sun and the warmth, we acknowledge the turning of the wheel and the passing of the seasons as well as the progression and passing of our own lives. That wheel spins regardless of whether we stop to acknowledge it.

This is yet another time for introspection… Looking within as well as without. Where are you? What have we done with our lives, where are we going? Are we happy? What do we “need “ to be happy. Where do we “want” out lives to go? Who do we want to be? In looking forward to the fall and winter… Instead of preparing our harvest… We look at things according to modern times…. What do we need to do to prepare ourselves…

Imagine, if you will a pantry cupboard. Bare, empty. Now, imagine you are that cupboard. What have you placed inside yourself? What do you hold dear? What things do you need to clear out of there in order to be “Ready”… What do you need to harvest?

A few months ago, I felt as if someone had pulled a rug out from underneath me... No hopes, No dreams... The last few weeks, I have felt this building strength inside... And, now, my hope is returning... bit by bit... It may be just a glimmer... But, it is something!

My muse... is back.

Gebo

Ansuz

Nauthiz


Yikes... Am I in for a ride! :)

Gebo means gift... well, I see it as a gift for a gift normally- Almost like a karmic present- "What goes around comes around..." While it also represents relationships, unions.. etc. In relation to that, I believe when Gebo is drawn in regards to a relationship issue- which it was... It means that it is hard to undo- As Gebo cannot be reversed... However-

Combine that with Ansuz- the intuition I feel, the spoken word of my Gods, The voice of reason which is whispered on the wind... Yes, I am listening an paying close attention. I am seeing many things and clarity in this situation is sad and scary yet liberating as well.

And Nauthiz- That's a loaded rune for me... But, I see it today. It's tricky. Nauthiz can be a negative rune and stand for loss and sorrow. It can also stand for repeated mistakes- a lesson that has gone unlearned. It could mean many things. Things that I am not maybe ready to heed. But, what I see form this today is this: There are things in life that I need. That the kids NEED. Not wants. I am NOT a material person contrary to popular belief. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the finer things to an extent, but I don't expect to be covered in jewels, and designer clothing. But, I do need to feel loved. I need some stimulation- no, not sexual- but, intellectual. I need to be surrounded by something positive in my life, to feel alive, not as a withering autumn leaf... I feel dead inside- my heart lays still awaiting a miracle to revive it. My children, lifeless... I see it in their eyes... I need to be able to pay my bills and not see my hard worked money tossed out the window without a care- I have worked hard to find the career I have. I have met my goals professionally, and I am trying to be an example to my kids... I need to feel as if I have more of an equal instead of someone who wishes to ride my coat tails and is perfectly happy unemployed living off of the help of others... Wow, That's alot of need. There are times, I feel like a vacuum- an empty vacuum- void of alot of what I "need".