Consonants and Vowels...

It has been raining cats and dogs the last few days. Just what we need... more freaking rain. lol I have been so busy lately and completely uninspired when it comes to writing about anything. I have been working ALOT, stressing about money even more, and trying to sleep away my worries.

Colin, my son with autism, has suddenly, made a drastic improvement.... on accident. We had to stop one of his medications due to cardiac side effects. Ever since, he has been a different child. He is talkative, polite, no agitation or aggression... WTF? I guess that really makes me think. Maybe some of his symptoms have been side effects all along!!! I am taking it day by day though. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. It seems almost too good tobe true. I have my son back...

I have the day off today. I am getting caught up on alot of things. Laundry, bills, ugh.. Then I will play WoW for a while and RELAX. My dreams have been in hyperdrive lately, Not sleeping well... But unusually the dreams are good AND almost prophetic. I may have a new job offer on the horizon if I am interpreting the dreams correctly an I believe I am... :)

I have been trying to do yoga every day and working on a ritual a day... We will see how long this lasts! :) I have been meditating and am working on some more advanced concepts lately. Life is going alright... Just scooting along day by day trying to make my mark...

So, I have been dreaming alot of my grandmother. This last dream I had was so vivid. I was in my old front yard, but it was bigger somehow, and covered in snow. It was snowing, gently. Soft, flakes landing on my lashes and staying there. Gramma came to me and pointed at the nearest tree. She walked over to it and carved some lines. She hugged me and called me "You always were my little rider of the trees"... I looked at the tree and it was a bindrune. I tried to sketch it when I awoke, but have not been able to get it right. I am hoping to dream of it again. But, until I do... I am curious... "My little rider of the trees"... What do you guys think of this? I have my own thoughts and am doing my own searching... But, what ideas do you have?

So, I had another dream about a key. This time, my grandma, was holding it and calling out to me. My grandma is still alive, but has Alzheimer's. It was so vivid. I could see her, smell her, feel her there with me. She had the key and whispered words to me that I couldn't make out...

The next morning I called to check on her. My grandfather said she wanted to talk to me! She got on the phone and began speaking on her marriage and her kids. She has been married almost 65 years! Unbelievable. She kept bringing up my grandfather. I asked her how they did it... 65 years. She said " I did it for the children, honey" She told me of many times where she wished she could leave or "kill" ( I hope she was joking) my grandpa, but that she held it together for the kids because they were more important! It was a beautiful conversation. She spoke almost as a drill Sargent at times. Kept repeating to "Hang in there". And to work it out. Funny thing is, I hadn't mentioned any turbulence in my marriage. She had no idea, and yet I saw her in my dream holding that key I was desperately looking for and then sat listening as she urged me to hang in there...

Later that same day, my mom came over to watch the kids so Chad and I could go Xmas shopping. (I hate shopping this time of year!) Anyway, she came to the door lugging this huge Rubbermaid box and thunked it down in front of me. I opened it and on top was a pic of Gramma and me... I started crying. It was a huge box of pictures in frames of my life. My past, my ancestors, of me, baby me, toddler me, teenager me, my sis, my mom and dad... It rushed back all of these feelings and it made me realize that life is really hard. Like Gramma said, tough times will happen. But, you keep it together for the kids. My parents were happy way back when. My mom and dad split when I was 22. It was horrible even at 22 to go through that. I will never make my children go through that. Nothing is worth causing them pain. NOTHING. I had a long talk with my mom, family, and very close friends and they all reiterated what Gramma had said. It was a bit odd, Some of my friends had definitely been leaning one way... But, they felt that all things considered, this was my path. I have a great bunch of family and friends...

It was an interesting weekend. Full of intriguing dreams, old wedding dresses, antique boxes, pictures, and keys... My journey has changed. How my grandmother managed to come out of her confused state to send me a message so loud and clear... A blessing, I suppose. I miss her so much. I get to go and visit in a few weeks. I can't wait to hug her and hold her and Thank her.

Main Entry:

Pronunciation:
\ˈkē\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Old English cǣg; akin to OldFrisian kēi key
Date:
before 12th century

1 a: a usually metal instrument by which the bolt of a lock is turned
b: any of various devices having the form or function of such a key

2 a: a means of gaining or preventing entrance, possession, or control
b: an instrumental or deciding factor

3 a: something that gives an explanation or identification or provides a solution
b: a list of words or phrases giving an explanation of symbols or abbreviations
c: an aid to interpretation or identification : clue
d: an arrangement of the salient characters of a group of plants or animals or of taxa designed to facilitate identification e: a map legend

4 a (1): cotter pin (2): cotter
b: a keystone in an arch
c: a small piece of wood or metal used as a wedge or for preventing motion between parts

5 a: one of the levers of a keyboard musical instrument that actuates the mechanism and produces the tones
b: a lever that controls a vent in the side of a woodwind instrument or a valve in a brass instrument
c: a part to be depressed by a finger that serves as one unit of a keyboard

6: samara

7: a system of tones and harmonies generated from a hierarchical scale of seven tones based on a tonic

8 a: characteristic style or tone
b: the tone or pitch of a voice
c: the predominant tone of a photograph with respect to its lightness or darkness

9: a decoration or charm resembling a key

10: a small switch for opening or closing an electric circuit

11: the set of instructions governing the encipherment and decipherment of messages

12: a free-throw area in basketball

Get this. In my dream, I was digging, looking for something at the door yelling "lycra" or "why kill" I couldn't quite make it out. Well, I did some research and this is what I found.

lykill (pl. luklar and lyklar), m. key.

It is Icelandic. Which to me makes sense. There is history there... Some day,I shall share more. Know this. It is extremely significant. I will be thinking more on it.

I dreamt of the sea again last night. Gods, the wind was cold and brutal. It whirled my dress all over. I was not alone. We tried to hang on in the wind and started down a slope, a path of some kind toward a hall in the distance. The lights were on, It looked warm and so inviting as a refuge form the blustery windstorm. We headed toward the door and we stopped. I started to dig a hole, with my bare hands... The earth was frozen, I clawed at it with my fingers until they were bloody. Then, I sat down and cried, tears, frozen tears like little beadsof ice fell to the ground. I raised my fist to the Gods and cried out some crazy word It sounded like "why krell" or "lycra" lol... Maybe I was looking for my stretch pants!

Then, I started dreaming about my grandfathers house, I was there with Chad, my husband and we were cleaning out the house. I found alot of old bread... Seriously old, like months expired, butit wasn't moldy. I remember thinking... I would eat it. lol. Then, Chad yelled at me to get in the car and started berrating me why I had rented a movie on Netflix. Told me I had a "porn" addiction and that I needed help? I kept tellinghim I had rented "Dan in Real Life"... He said, "Yea, in real life, Dan is a whore too!"....

Whatever! My head had a busy night.

I barely slept last night. I kept hearing noises. I had my fan on, but it sounded like someone or something was banging on my door downstairs. I couldn't tell if it as the front door or back and I was paralyzed each time I woke up to hear banging. I laid there trying to breathe, my heart pounding in my throat. I was so disoriented. I laid there thinking if I hid under my covers it would just go away. I would slowly doze off and then awaken to the thudding again. I swear I could even hear the chain lock and the windows rattle. I did finally get out of bed and look out the windows. No cars, no tracks in the snow, no shadows, just nothing to explain it.

I had to report for jury duty this morning. Fun. Thank goodness there were police officers involved in this trial and once I stated that my mom's husband was a cop and an abusive s.o.b. ... Well, they excused me! :)

I dreamt of snow last night. I was outside twirling around in a snow fury...It was everywhere! I would reach out and catch snowflakes examining them one by one, their crystalline hex-like structures all telling me tales. I wore no coat, but was not cold. Normally, I dislike snow. In my dream I was covered in it. It was in my black hair, on my lashes, my nose, my fingers were dusted with it and I was standing ankle deep in it with no shoes. As it touched my skin, I could feel the tiny flakes melting and melding into me one at a time. I felt serene and happy. I saw something in the snow. In the distance, it was red. It was half buried but I walked over to it and brushed the snow away to find a bright red shiny apple. I took a bite and went to sleep (in my dream!). In my dreams dream I dreamt of flying with geese. It was a weird one. I saw my grandfather who passed, I saw people I didn't know, but they sure knew me...

The hexefus stood out to me. The witches foot. The shape of the snowflake. Which makes me think of Madame Winter, Frau Holt, Dame Holda, Hella, Frau Holle... She has many names. A few years ago, she made it into my dreams often during the winter months. I had done some research on her and bookmarked some pages... Here is one of them.