Consonants and Vowels...

I guess with all the stress lately at work and the ice storm fiasco with lack of power for 3 days... I haven't really taken the time to relax and get into the mood for the holidays. I feel rushed and unready. I am questioning the fits I have bought. I feel like I haven't enough... It sucks when you don't have money this time of year. There is such a focus on the material... It makes me angry. I am just happy and content to spend time with friends and family and tip back a few... I was supposed to get of early today and be off on Xmas and Friday. I will be getting off at normal time today and will be working Friday. Yuck. I like my job, but I really just wanted a break. Maybe I will take a small vacation soon.

Anyway, I am feeling blah, I suppose the weather is partly to blame. I will perk up soon, I hope.

I did an online rune draw this morning because I forgot my own at home. I don't usually do "reverse" meanings for runes. This site does though. The reading seems to be right on for me today!

The Norn spread is used to plot the crucial elements of past, present, and future, and to reveal the evolution of the situation through the arc of time. Stone Runes are most commonly used for questions about the natural world and things beyond human control.

The left rune represents an important element of the past. Algiz plainly shows the antlers of the elk that it represents. The elk is the object of the hunt, and hence Algiz speaks to the pursuit of goals and the thrill of that pursuit. The rune is currently shown reversed, so this could suggest a failed endeavor or a lack of effort. Algiz is also representative of a protective hand (fingers open wide), so the reversed form may indicate a failed defense.

The middle rune represents a deciding element of the present. Uruz is the name of the Auroch, an extinct prehistoric ox. This animal was strong and brave, and was the focus of rites of manhood in older days. Reversed, this rune symbolizes either the lack of challenge, or the lack of preparation for a challenge. This rune suggests that you must reach deep within in order to gain the power you will need, whether to get out of your current rut, or to face what appears to be a hopeless situation.

The right rune represents the critical element of the future. Sowelu is a strong symbol, for it represents the sun. Unlike equatorial cultures who may see the sun as a harsh and imperial force capable of causing droughts, in the cold north the sun is a purely feminine force that gives life and allows crops to grow. In dark times, this rune represents clarity of sight and the victory of good over evil. Sowelu is irreversible, as the cycles of the sun and seasons are perpetual. http://www.facade.com/runes/

A friend of mine sent this to me... Made me laugh

'Twas the night before christmas and all through the house everybody felt shitty, even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse ,dad smoking grass ,I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass. When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter.
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of Hell, I knew in a moment that the fucker had fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart the Son of a Bitch blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight:

Piss on you all and have a hell of a night.

Perthro-

Something hidden comes to light or a secret is disclosed. Look beyond the surface things are not always as they seem. Use your intuition, take a gamble.

An unexpected gain.

Inner transformations. Fate. Unlocking ancestral memory.


Ehwaz- This may well prove to be a good time for travel or perhaps a journey of a different kind. Venturing out with the intention of creating new situations in either your home or work life should bear fruit.

This is also a sign that you are on track, all your efforts are coming to fruition.

Ansuz- Important information will be communicated to you, be aware and alert to it as it may require you to recognize its significance. Seek counsel from your elders, remember wisdom can come through through learning from the experience of others.

This rune is about communication of all kinds including the artistic forms. It also never symbolises the power of words and cautions us to beware that we do not wound or offend with our words.

I usually associate Ansuz with Odin and spiritual information...

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

This is an interesting tidbit I found on the Tree of Life in Norse mythology... Speaks of people who ride currents on the tree... ? Interesting as I have had many meditations and dreams that seemed to be centered in one of Yggdrasil's worlds or another... I spent alot of time in Vanaheim. Not because I set out to meditate on Vanaheim, I would just end up there in the woods... Sometimes in a hall, maybe Holda's. I believe I have seen Niflheim, and possibly Muspellheim. I used to meditate and do pathwork ALOT. I felt much more connected back then. I am going to begin pathworking at least a few times a week.... Will keep ya posted.

This is the bit of info I found on "Riding Yggdrasil" in a sense.

Yggdrasil is generally pictured as an ash tree, but this may be human interpretation. On the very top of the tree sits an eagle, Hraesvelg ("Corpse-Eater"), who is actually a wind-giant locked in eagle form. He is very old, of the first generation of Ymir's kin. Winds - or rather, energy currents - blow from his wings, and are controlled by the wind-deer. At the bottom of the tree, crawling back and forth between Helheim and Yggdrasil's exposed root in Niflheim, is the great dragon Nidhogg. She gnaws on Yggdrasil's root, forcing it ever into new growth. Ratatosk, a squirrel-wight whose name means "Teeth That Find", runs up and down the bark of the tree carrying messages (mostly insults) between Hraesvelg and Nidhogg. All three of them do not generally talk to most visitors and are not very approachable.

Four deer run through the upper branches. They are the keepers of the power of the Four winds, and are named Duneyr (Rest), Durathor (Slumber), Dvalin and Dain. Dvalin was once a Duergar, the son of the great Duergar leader Dvalin the Old. Dain was once an Alfar lord. Duneyr and Durathor were both mortals from Midgard. All four agreed to take on the forms of immortal deer and control the winds that blow from world to world.

This does not mean that they necessarily control the atmospheres of the various worlds. However, there are "winds" - currents of energy, really - that "blow" from world to world, and can sweep things and beings with them. Magically skilled folk can learn to "ride" these currents, but attempting to control them for one's own purpose will bring one or more of the Wind Deer down upon you. While they do not engage in combat as such, their control of the winds means that they can sweep you quite literally off of Yggdrasil and into Ginnungagap.

The Guardians of the Four Directions are four Duergar known as Austri, Vestri, Sudri, and Nordri. Actually, it is unknown as to whether they are or ever were actually Duergar, or (more likely) whether they are divine entities who simply take on Duergar form. They are quite capable, and often do, take on other forms as well - elemental spirit-forms, birds, horses, dragons, etc. The Duergar of Nidavellir worship them as gods, and consider them to be divine entities who give the race of Duergar the honor of taking their forms. The four of them can be called on to help out if you have lost your way, as they know all the paths between worlds (and many within worlds) like the backs of their hands. They like to be invoked and poured for at gatherings and workings, but other wise do not require much in the way of offerings.

Kenaz -A time of clarity when many things will become clear. Enlightenment. From darkness and confusion comes light and realization, now is the time to focus your energies in to breaking through. The future holds good luck and good fortune.

A good time for looking at oneself to gain a greater understanding.

Brings warmth and protection. Kenaz suggests vitality and new energy. An inspirational and creative force that can open new opportunities.

Elhaz -

The things that you have worked so hard for are coming to fruition. New relationships will enrich your life and positive influences are shaping every aspect of your existence.

Even in the heat of battle you are protected, wisdom and vision are your allies.


Perthro-

Something hidden comes to light or a secret is disclosed. Look beyond the surface things are not always as they seem. Use your intuition, take a gamble.

An unexpected gain.

Inner transformations. Fate. Unlocking ancestral memory.

So, I have been dreaming alot of my grandmother. This last dream I had was so vivid. I was in my old front yard, but it was bigger somehow, and covered in snow. It was snowing, gently. Soft, flakes landing on my lashes and staying there. Gramma came to me and pointed at the nearest tree. She walked over to it and carved some lines. She hugged me and called me "You always were my little rider of the trees"... I looked at the tree and it was a bindrune. I tried to sketch it when I awoke, but have not been able to get it right. I am hoping to dream of it again. But, until I do... I am curious... "My little rider of the trees"... What do you guys think of this? I have my own thoughts and am doing my own searching... But, what ideas do you have?

So, I spent the better part of the last 3 days in complete darkness. No power. No lights. We sat in darkness on the Solstice and discussed what our ancestors may have felt or done at this time of year. The hardship. The cold. The hunger. It was eye opening. My son Colin sat up and exclaimed "That is why we are celebrating the return of the sun!" I was very proud. The last few days have been very trying. We got a few inches of ice and lost power on Friday Morning around 6am. We have not had power since. We had one small room with a heater, lots of candles, and blankets. All of my food is spoiled... To make matters worse, the Assisted Living community I work at lost power as well. It has been absolutely crazy. But, again... It was an amazing Yule experience, burning our Yule log, and reflecting on why the Sun is so important to us. We also connected more with our ancestors... I had an amazing dream on Friday night... My grandmother again. I am still doing some research, but she called me a name... I will share more later. We JUST got our power back and I need to do some cleaning, shopping, etc. I will catch up more later.

"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are."

That is a quote from a favorite "Buffy" episode... quite fitting that the episode is called "Becoming" I was watching a little Buffy tonight and yea, I find inspiration in the strangest places. :) I was so fixated on the title... "becoming". It started me thinking.

So, I sat there for a while, playing with my hair, and then started down this path of thought that took me back to my Vanic witchcraft or Germanic witchcraft days. I started thinking of wyrd and orlog. I began focusing on disir... and eventually settled on the Norns. I am not sure if any of you are familiar with the Norns, but I have been reading a blog lately (SunTiger) and she was speaking of the Norns. I think that brought back some memories. For several reasons, I had abandoned my Germanic path. We were actually in a kindred and there was turbulence and confusion as relationships were made closer and things changed. It is a long and twisted tale, but it led to infidelity and broken hearts. For a long time, I have abandoned almost all aspects of the Germanic path because of the reminders... But, today I am drawn in. Maybe it was speaking of my grandmother, going through those old family photos... Stirring my disir (Disir are defined differently by different heathens, but the way i see it is this: My Disir are my female ancestors, Goddesses in their own right. To honor the disir is to honor the matrons that came before me... as well as many of the lesser Goddesses...)

Maybe it is the approaching holidays. Association with "family time". Perhaps that is why I am feeling drawn in. I am not sure. But, I feel plugged in. Connected. Becoming.

Becoming what, you ask?

I can't wait to find out!

A rune draw for the evening:

Nauthiz- Patience is a virtue. This is not a time to force things - settle back, live in harmony and go with the flow. Delays do not mean failure, be prepared to amend your plans if necessary but only after careful consideration.

Jera- All things in life are cyclical, we can reap only what we sow. We must be prepared to nurture the seeds we plant and give them space and time enough to grow, only then will we enjoy fully the fruits of our labours.

Dagaz- Dagaz reminds us that this is a life of balance - good & evil, dark & light - all extremes have their opposite and it is possible to move from one to the other. This is the rune of transformation, the power which is available to all of us.

I will ponder this one. It makes perfect sense and it is a good reading. Definitely applies. Well, I am off to slumber. I had a really rough day.

If I am lucky, we will het the 4 inches of ICE they are calling for and I won't possibly be able to make it in to work tomorow! ;)

So, the solstice is creeping up on me quicker than I expected! We are planning a big night with rites, some good old traditional crafting fun... I think we are going to string popcorn and cranberries by the fire and have a few drinks... I have some spellwork up my sleeve as well!

I am really excited this year and hope for a good yuletide season. We don't have alot of money, but I am hoping it will be a good one, none the less...

I have most of the kids presents wrapped now... I have mentioned before that I run a Dementia care community. I decided to bring the kids presents in and help the residents wrap them. It was awesome! They were all reminiscing about the holiday seasons past and oogling over the toys we had bought for the boys. It was alot of fun! I have had a great day at work so far... and hey, I got my wrapping done! ha. Talk about killing two birds with one stone! ;)

You Are Champagne

Your holiday personality is celebratory. In other words, you love to drink! For you, the holidays are a time to let loose and enjoy yourself. You figure they only happen once a year, so why restrain yourself?

Ugh. So it happened this weekend. I found a link in the history on my computer and my sons have been looking at "adult" websites" As far as I can tell, it only happened once according to the history... Chad and I had to sit down and talk to the boys and it was hard, but we did good. I finally made them their own internet accounts through our Verizon service where I can limit what they can look at... I am very thankful for that! Boy, these are going to be trying times! Colin is 12, thinks he has a girlfriend and we have decided to tighten up his reigns. ALOT... Funny story though... They mispelled "boobs" and "ass" on their searches, so at least they didn't get too far! lol

I don't even know how I am going to live through raising 2 teeenage boys!

So, I had another dream about a key. This time, my grandma, was holding it and calling out to me. My grandma is still alive, but has Alzheimer's. It was so vivid. I could see her, smell her, feel her there with me. She had the key and whispered words to me that I couldn't make out...

The next morning I called to check on her. My grandfather said she wanted to talk to me! She got on the phone and began speaking on her marriage and her kids. She has been married almost 65 years! Unbelievable. She kept bringing up my grandfather. I asked her how they did it... 65 years. She said " I did it for the children, honey" She told me of many times where she wished she could leave or "kill" ( I hope she was joking) my grandpa, but that she held it together for the kids because they were more important! It was a beautiful conversation. She spoke almost as a drill Sargent at times. Kept repeating to "Hang in there". And to work it out. Funny thing is, I hadn't mentioned any turbulence in my marriage. She had no idea, and yet I saw her in my dream holding that key I was desperately looking for and then sat listening as she urged me to hang in there...

Later that same day, my mom came over to watch the kids so Chad and I could go Xmas shopping. (I hate shopping this time of year!) Anyway, she came to the door lugging this huge Rubbermaid box and thunked it down in front of me. I opened it and on top was a pic of Gramma and me... I started crying. It was a huge box of pictures in frames of my life. My past, my ancestors, of me, baby me, toddler me, teenager me, my sis, my mom and dad... It rushed back all of these feelings and it made me realize that life is really hard. Like Gramma said, tough times will happen. But, you keep it together for the kids. My parents were happy way back when. My mom and dad split when I was 22. It was horrible even at 22 to go through that. I will never make my children go through that. Nothing is worth causing them pain. NOTHING. I had a long talk with my mom, family, and very close friends and they all reiterated what Gramma had said. It was a bit odd, Some of my friends had definitely been leaning one way... But, they felt that all things considered, this was my path. I have a great bunch of family and friends...

It was an interesting weekend. Full of intriguing dreams, old wedding dresses, antique boxes, pictures, and keys... My journey has changed. How my grandmother managed to come out of her confused state to send me a message so loud and clear... A blessing, I suppose. I miss her so much. I get to go and visit in a few weeks. I can't wait to hug her and hold her and Thank her.

Main Entry:

Pronunciation:
\ˈkē\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, from Old English cǣg; akin to OldFrisian kēi key
Date:
before 12th century

1 a: a usually metal instrument by which the bolt of a lock is turned
b: any of various devices having the form or function of such a key

2 a: a means of gaining or preventing entrance, possession, or control
b: an instrumental or deciding factor

3 a: something that gives an explanation or identification or provides a solution
b: a list of words or phrases giving an explanation of symbols or abbreviations
c: an aid to interpretation or identification : clue
d: an arrangement of the salient characters of a group of plants or animals or of taxa designed to facilitate identification e: a map legend

4 a (1): cotter pin (2): cotter
b: a keystone in an arch
c: a small piece of wood or metal used as a wedge or for preventing motion between parts

5 a: one of the levers of a keyboard musical instrument that actuates the mechanism and produces the tones
b: a lever that controls a vent in the side of a woodwind instrument or a valve in a brass instrument
c: a part to be depressed by a finger that serves as one unit of a keyboard

6: samara

7: a system of tones and harmonies generated from a hierarchical scale of seven tones based on a tonic

8 a: characteristic style or tone
b: the tone or pitch of a voice
c: the predominant tone of a photograph with respect to its lightness or darkness

9: a decoration or charm resembling a key

10: a small switch for opening or closing an electric circuit

11: the set of instructions governing the encipherment and decipherment of messages

12: a free-throw area in basketball

2 words NO MORE NO LESS can be used... Have fun and try not to use the same answers as the person before you...


1. Where is your cell phone? .................. in pocket

2. Your significant other?......................... significantly "other"

3. Your hair? ........................................ Black mess

4. Your mother?..................................... co dependent

5. Your father?........................................... ass hole

6. Your favorite thing?............................... simple peace

7. Your dream last night?......................... damned doors

8. Your favorite drink? ................................ spiced rum

9. Your dream/goal?............................... happy me

10. The room you're in?............................. cold lonely

11. Your fear?.......................................... missing out


12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?..... loving life

13. Where were you last night?....................... not sleeping

14. What you're not?...................................... cold hearted

15. Muffin?................................................. chocolate chip

16. One of your wish list items?.............. lap top

17. Where you were born?....................... Kankakee Illinois

18. The last thing you did?...................... kissed kid

19. What are you wearing?....................... some clothes

20. Your TV?............................................. running hot

21. Your pet(s)?....................................... Oh Jack!

22. Your computer? ................................... fucked up

23. Your life?..................................... missing something

24. Your mood?................................. keyed up

25. Missing someone?........................ very much

26. Your car/truck?............................ not mine

27. Something you're not wearing?.............. under wear. (okay, sorry... that was too tempting. I am wearing undies!) How about Grandmas ring

28. Favorite Store?............................... Barnes Noble

29. Your summer?................................ new job

30. Like someone?.............................. hell yes


31. Your favorite color?..................... mood dependent

32. Last time you laughed?.................. just now

Get this. In my dream, I was digging, looking for something at the door yelling "lycra" or "why kill" I couldn't quite make it out. Well, I did some research and this is what I found.

lykill (pl. luklar and lyklar), m. key.

It is Icelandic. Which to me makes sense. There is history there... Some day,I shall share more. Know this. It is extremely significant. I will be thinking more on it.

I dreamt of the sea again last night. Gods, the wind was cold and brutal. It whirled my dress all over. I was not alone. We tried to hang on in the wind and started down a slope, a path of some kind toward a hall in the distance. The lights were on, It looked warm and so inviting as a refuge form the blustery windstorm. We headed toward the door and we stopped. I started to dig a hole, with my bare hands... The earth was frozen, I clawed at it with my fingers until they were bloody. Then, I sat down and cried, tears, frozen tears like little beadsof ice fell to the ground. I raised my fist to the Gods and cried out some crazy word It sounded like "why krell" or "lycra" lol... Maybe I was looking for my stretch pants!

Then, I started dreaming about my grandfathers house, I was there with Chad, my husband and we were cleaning out the house. I found alot of old bread... Seriously old, like months expired, butit wasn't moldy. I remember thinking... I would eat it. lol. Then, Chad yelled at me to get in the car and started berrating me why I had rented a movie on Netflix. Told me I had a "porn" addiction and that I needed help? I kept tellinghim I had rented "Dan in Real Life"... He said, "Yea, in real life, Dan is a whore too!"....

Whatever! My head had a busy night.

I have been sleeping very little. I have had so much on my mind and if I even began to try and explain it here on this page, I would most likely run out of room and possibly bore many of you to tears. However, it would intrigue a few... Anyway, Just having some personal issues and again I am questioning myself in so so many ways. BIG ways. Honesty with myself has never come easy. I think I lived most of my life lying to myself to please my Dad... He was a bit manipulaitve and crazy... (That is REALLY an understatement! lol) Anyway, I think I learned at a very young age to cover up my own feelings at the expense of others. It was jsut easier that way. Now, I am 34 and I am thinking that this may not be the way in which I want to live the rest of my life. Is this making any fucking sense? Anyway, I know I am supposed to be proud to be "me". And I seriously know i am in here somewhere... For the most part, I am who I am... But then I wear all these oter hats to please others. So, a bit of honesty for today. Baby steps... In my profile, It says how I love to play Halo3. I even have my Xbox gamer card on this page. Not true. I really don't enjoy Halo. I don't necessarily enjoy the Xbox much either. My husband does and in an effort to do something "with" him, I adopted it as a semi-hobby. So, I will leave it on my profile a bit longer, just so those of you that read my crazy ramblings can see that I am not full of shit. And then, I remove it. 1 thing at a time. Sorta like a strip tease! lol... Just one item at a time, I reveal who I am. Who I REALLY am...


Paramore-
That's what you get...


No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, to take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt, so much?

I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why?
All the possibilities...
Well I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa...
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why? All the possibilities. I'm sure you've heard.

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa..
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

Pain, make your way to me. (to me)
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start... Start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win!
Whoa.

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

I can't trust myself with anything but this,
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.


My heart runs my show on a daily basis and I let it down alot, to try and make others happy. But, still I have been singing this all morning and it made me grin.

I barely slept last night. I kept hearing noises. I had my fan on, but it sounded like someone or something was banging on my door downstairs. I couldn't tell if it as the front door or back and I was paralyzed each time I woke up to hear banging. I laid there trying to breathe, my heart pounding in my throat. I was so disoriented. I laid there thinking if I hid under my covers it would just go away. I would slowly doze off and then awaken to the thudding again. I swear I could even hear the chain lock and the windows rattle. I did finally get out of bed and look out the windows. No cars, no tracks in the snow, no shadows, just nothing to explain it.

I had to report for jury duty this morning. Fun. Thank goodness there were police officers involved in this trial and once I stated that my mom's husband was a cop and an abusive s.o.b. ... Well, they excused me! :)

I have my iPod on "random" This song played 3 times today.


Last night I found heaven
It's on the tip of my tongue
And it reminded me of
All the times I was young

I'm catching rain in my open mouth
I used to smile till the day I found out
I have no idea who the hell I've become
It's not who I was, it's not who I love

I want to drown, in a sea filled with novacaine
I want to burn, on a beach where the sand
Has thousands of needles poking at my skin

I lie in bed to the sound, of the wolves at my door
They are speaking in tongues
While they claw at my floor

I never thought it would come to this
I'm more yellow than my own piss

They're making rounds
Just to even the score
Just open the door
Just open the door

I want to drown, in a sea filled with novacaine
I want to burn, on a beach where the sand
Is littered with razor blades
Littered with razor blades
Blades
Littered with razor blades

I can't hold on, the path is clear
I can't ignore, what's been building for years
There's wolves at the door, I won't hide here in fear
Wolves at the door
Aaaaaah

I look at myself and the things that I've done
Stare away from the mirror and right into the sun
I forgive myself for all of my mistakes
When will I learn, when will I, when will I burn?

I want to drown, in a sea filled with Novocaine
I want to burn, on a beach where the sand
Is littered with razor blades

I gave up on myself a long time ago
To the black clouds I'm swallowed
And spit me out whole

Some times it feels like I'm losing my soul
At least that means
I still have a soul after all

Today, I awoke on December 1st, to the sight of large, wet snowflakes. The earth is covered in this white, fluffy blanket. She is asleep. Asleep and dreaming of the sun. Just like me. She is asleep and dreaming of days with lush greenery, warm gentle breezes, and beautiful flowers. She dreams of the Sun and awaits his return. Night has invaded and brought the cold with it. I shiver, but she is warm, nestled under her blanket. She rests. And plans. I wonder what beautiful scenery she has in store for us?

INGREDIENTS

* 3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 2 teaspoons baking soda
* 1 teaspoon cinnamon
* 1 teaspoon ground cloves
* 1 teaspoon ground ginger
* 1 teaspoon ground cardamom
* 1 cup butter
* 1 cup white sugar
* 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
* 1 egg, beaten
* 2 tablespoons dark corn syrup



DIRECTIONS

1. Sift the flour together with the baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, ginger, and cardamom in a mixing bowl.
2. Beat the butter together with the white and brown sugars in a mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Mix in the egg and corn syrup until smooth. Gradually stir in the flour mixture until evenly blended. Divide the dough into 4 equal portions and wrap tightly each with plastic wrap. Refrigerate at least 1 hour, or overnight.
3. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Lightly grease baking sheets.
4. Using 1 portion at a time, work on a floured surface and roll out dough to 1/8 inch thick. Cut into shapes with cookie cutter, and place 1 inch apart on prepared baking sheets.
5. Bake in preheated oven until set, about 5 minutes. Cool completely. Store in tightly covered tins.

Yesterday was a busy day. I actually slept in though which was nice! I didn't get up til 9 and I was supposed to start the turkey at 7... Whoops! I got the bird going and started on the rest of the feast and worked my little ass off until around 3. I got to chill for a bit then and watch some TV and take a quick snooze. In the midst of all this I got a call from my mom. She is still in a behavioral health hospital. She is in an abusive relationship and instead of making the choice to leave, she has decided to lean on pharmaceuticals to get her through. She is abusing Vicodin, Xanax, Benadryl... anything that will make her sleep so she does not have to face life. Anyway, she called to tell me she was being discharged tomorrow (which is now today). She said she was going to go live with her sister in Illinois, which made me ecstatic. We all made the necessary arrangements. I went about my day. I finished my din din and had our best friends over for a feast. We sat down to eat, said what we were thankful for... among my thanksgivings was the fact that my mom was getting back on track. I took my first bite of turkey and the phone rang. Mom again. Only this time to tell me that she was going to go home instead. That her dickhead was going to stay at a friends but she wasn't ready to leave him... (Insert vomiting sound here) Then, she said the weirdest thing. She told me that she had a headache all day and she was feeling better now since "some nice lady" gave her a "VICODIN"... I hung up, ignored the whole conversation and went about my evening. We did have a great time... Who knew "turkey gobbler" would wind up being so freaking funny. We laughed, we ate, we drank, and we watched the punkin chunkin on discovery channel. It was awesome. Brenda and I both passed out!

This morning, after thinking about it... I called my mom's nurse and told her what my mom had said last night about the vicodin... I started to fear maybe someone had given her one. A visitor? a patient? How about her manipulative fuckhead of a husband with one last ditch effort to try and make her stay? Who gave her that damned pill? And why? I can't imagine it was ordered! Who would prescribe narcotics for a recovering addict?

Alrighty. We are still having issues with Colin and his behavior. We had a behavior analyst at our place for 3 hours last night. Top that off with the fact that a very close friend of ours died Sunday from cancer and we are trying to work in a showing and a funeral AND the fact that my mama was just checked into a mental health facility because she has been self-medicating due to the fact that her husband is an abusive mother fucker, and NOW... it seems that we may have unexpected guests for the Thanksgiving holiday. (Insert Primal Scream Right Here)

I just finished watching "Dan in Real Life". I laughed and cried. So did my son. It was a great movie. Have any of you seen it? If you haven't, turn away, I am going to discuss some details! In the movie, Dan is a widower and he lost the love of his life to an illness. He has 3 daughters that he is raising alone. The teenagers in it are hilarious. Anyway, he goes to his families house in I think it was Rhode Island for the Hoildays and ends up meeting this woman in a bookstore and they talk for hours that day. He ends up getting her number because she has to leave and he is really excited because there was this instant connection. He goes home and is telling his whole family about this woman he met when his brother's new girlfriend enters the kitchen and it was "her". The bookstore woman. The whole Holiday visit is torture for both of them because they can see how much they want to be with each other and feel like they just can't because of the brother... They end up together...

It was adorable. But it got my little noggin thinking about "Real Life". We watch movies like this and those of us that have been married for 13 years start looking at our own relationships. Geesh. Why can't my husband and I sit and talk like that for hours? We must have nothing in common anymore! ... NOT TRUE. We do have alot in common and have talked everyday for the last 13 years! If I think back though to the days when we first met, well we did talk for hours. I ate him up. Could not get enough. Slowly, things change though, don't they? The magic doesn't die, but it sure does change and it goes through cycles. We still have so much fun together. We have alot of inside jokes, he knows just what to say to make me feel better... sometimes, he can be an ass and he doesn't say those things, but then he does and the world melts around me. He knows me. My mind, my body, my likes, my dislikes, the neurotic ways my mind turns and he still loves me. Even when I am bad. Our relationship isn't perfect. At times, it can be messy. But, that is life! Life is messy and it can be all sorts of fucked up but we still make the best of it.

If you have not seen that movie, you should watch it. Very cute. I just love Steve Carrell.

Okay, so 6 random facts about little ol' me... Here goes.

1. I wear my Chucks almost everywhere I go. Even on date night. I will pick my outfit around my black converse high tops... It is sad I know, but is it sort of a fashion statement? lol

2. I like to do acrobats and jump on trampolines when I am tipsy and/or drunk. And to be honest, at 34 my body isn't taking it too well anymore. I usually end up pretty sore and stiff for days. But it is so much fun to fling myself around and feel the earth move and the air whoosh by my face!

3. I burp. alot. and loudly. It is a family thing I think. Even my aunts do it. I usually only do it at home around my kids and hubby... but every once in a while I will let one fly in public and I get embarrassed. At home, they just laugh at me or tell me "Good one!"... LOL

4. I have my nose pierced. I am very proud of this. It took me years to muster the balls to do it. I had one failed attempt that was just bloody and disastrous. But, I went back and did it again. It looks so cute o n my wittle nose! ;)

5. I wear crazy socks. It is like my trademark at work. They can't wait to see what socks Jen has on today! I especially liked striped ones.

6. Secretly, I am afraid I am turning into a couch potato. I have been sitting and watching alot more TV. I am running out of sweat pants... and having nightmares about plastic wrap, microwaves, bacon bits, sour cream, and butter...

Tagged by SunTiger and Fae.

I shall tag: Hex, Atiyanna, Aelwyn, Luna Earth Mama, Joyful Girl, Yarrow

The rules of being "tagged:"

· Link to the person or persons who tagged you.
· Post the rules on your blog.
· Write 6 random things about yourself.
· Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them.
· Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
· Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Mmmmmmmm Mango rolls... My belly is full of sticky rice, mango, tempura shrimp, cucumber, and yummy edamame! I drove over to Yokohama (a sushi bar here in Ft Wayne) and picked up take out. Chad is working. AGAIN. :( He has worked 84 hours this week!!! So, lonely ol' me went and got some sushi! The boys sat there and literally studied me as I ate it... They have had sushi before, but I think the whole concept is just fascinating to them. They debated over whether or not Chinese people ate sushi, then argued over asian customs for removing footwear... lol. It was entertaining at the least!

I thoroughly enjoyed my dinner though. Very satisfying. Kim, I should have called ya. Ha! Next time!

Now, I sit here at home with 2 stir crazy kids on a Saturday night. It is 8 o'clock... Too early for bed? Muaahahahahhaha! They have been arguing ALL DAY. Although, I did get Colin out for a while. We went grocery shopping for Thanksgiving... U-G-H. People at this time of the year are so nasty. Leave it to the biggest christian holiday in circulation to cause so much anger and angst amongst them all. I almost got run over by a lady and her cart... I smarted off of course and told her to have a happy holiday! It took 90 minutes to get our turkey and all the fixings... I will post my turkey recipe in a bit. Best turkey ever. I swear. You gotta love Alton Brown! Well, that is all I got so....

I dreamt of snow last night. I was outside twirling around in a snow fury...It was everywhere! I would reach out and catch snowflakes examining them one by one, their crystalline hex-like structures all telling me tales. I wore no coat, but was not cold. Normally, I dislike snow. In my dream I was covered in it. It was in my black hair, on my lashes, my nose, my fingers were dusted with it and I was standing ankle deep in it with no shoes. As it touched my skin, I could feel the tiny flakes melting and melding into me one at a time. I felt serene and happy. I saw something in the snow. In the distance, it was red. It was half buried but I walked over to it and brushed the snow away to find a bright red shiny apple. I took a bite and went to sleep (in my dream!). In my dreams dream I dreamt of flying with geese. It was a weird one. I saw my grandfather who passed, I saw people I didn't know, but they sure knew me...

The hexefus stood out to me. The witches foot. The shape of the snowflake. Which makes me think of Madame Winter, Frau Holt, Dame Holda, Hella, Frau Holle... She has many names. A few years ago, she made it into my dreams often during the winter months. I had done some research on her and bookmarked some pages... Here is one of them.

Today a co-worker of mine had a really hard time. To make a really long story short, her boyfriend cheated on her and left her. It has left her in shambles. So much so that she was talking suicide today! I talked to her all morning and she agreed to go with me to a behavioral health facility to be assessed. It took hours. That poor girl has been through hell. When we walked into the interview, she had just got done telling me how much she admired me and my "strength"... Yikes. When we walked out, I was crying and told her that I thought she could very possibly be the strongest woman alive! The abuse and torture she suffered at the hands of her own father! And she lives on... I thought my childhood was bad. My Gods! It just goes to show you that you really don't know who people are and what they have been through and the grass surely isn't greener on the other side...

I haven't felt well all day. I think I feel as if I took a bath in her pain....

A few weeks ago, we were talking about cheeseball recipes at work. I mentioned I make a decent one and a girl I work with started talking smack about my cheeseball and said her recipe would kick my recipe's ass... Very mature we are. ha. Anyway, I challenged her to a cheeseball cook off. We work on a dementia unit and I am always trying to find ways to trick my residents into eating so we made it a contest that the residents voted on! They tried both cheeseballs and then voted and then we invited all of the staff to vote as well.... I kicked her ass. I think the final tally was like 22-9... Here is the recipe I used.

Winner Cheeseball

2 bars cream cheese, softened
2 tbsp Cheez Whiz
1/4 cup onion flakes
1/4 cup parsley flakes
1 pkg Buddig Beef (Chip Beef) Chopped
about 1/2 cup chopped pecans

Mix all together in mixer except pecans. Shape as desired and then cover with nuts... It is really good!

Do you have a magickal name?	Not really. I did have when I first found paganism. But, now I am just "me"
What does it mean?	N/A
How did you find Wicca/Paganism?	Actually on the internet. Thanks to Scooby Doo... Lol. Long story.
How long have you been praticing?	6 years +
Solitary or group pratictioner?	Both. I have a small coven, but I also really like to practice alone.
What is your path?	Traditional Witchcraft.
Are you out of the broom closet?	Yep. For the most part. I don't like announce it. If it comes up, I am honest.
Gods/Goddess
Who is your patron God?	The Greenman
Who is your patron Goddess?	The Goddess
What Gods do you worship?	See above. But I don't really "worship"
What Goddesses do you worship?	See above. But I don't really "worship"
Do you fear darkly aspected Gods/Goddess, or rather respect them?	Definitely respect. The universe is all about balance. The dark has its place as does the light.
Do you worship the Christian God?	Ummmm, No.
Do you ever worship animals?	Not worship, but sometimes I talk to them. I know it sounds crazy, but they send messages sometimes.
Or plants?	Again, Not worship, but I do find nature and all plant life amazing.
Nature
Do you regularly commune with nature?	Yes. I love to be outside with my toes dug into the earth.
Ever walked barefoot in the woods?	Absolutely.
Taken a camping trip just to talk to nature?	No, but I would love to.
Describe the moment you felt closeest to Mother Earth?	Brenda, Michele, and I did a spell. We took our shoes off and we were near water under the full moon surrounded by trees, the wind was blowing.... Very powerful moment.
What is your power animal?	Eagle
Do you have a familar?	My cat PJ.
Have you ever called upon the powers of an animal in ritual?	Maybe a long time ago... I don't think it worked! lol
Or a plant?	No
Do you hug trees?	Sometimes!
Give them gifts?	All of the time. I like to leave little offerings often.
What is your favorite flower to work with?	?
Whats if your favorite tree to work with?	?
Wheel of the Year
What is your favorite holiday?	Ostara
What if your least favorite holiday?	? I don't really have one
Have you ever held a ritual on a holiday?	Every one.
Ever taken a day of work to celebrate a pagan holiday?	Yep.
Do you celebrate Yule on the 21 rather than the 25?	We celebrate both. We have Yule with the kids on Yule. We make a huge dinner, exchange a few gifts, do our ritual... Then we have santa on the 25th. We have thought hard about changing that this year.
Have you ever felt the Veil thin?	Oh yes. Definitely more so around Samhain, but at other times as well...
Ever danced the Maypole?	No sadly, no maypole. Unless we are talking about my husbands anatomy... lol
Know what the Maypole symbolizes?	Er... Yes, see above. The maypole is a phallic symbol. (representing a "penis") The red and white on the pole are for blood and semen I believe... Gory, huh? It represents the sexual union of the God and Goddess and actually Beltaine is a great holiday.
Ever made love on Beltaine?	Abso-freakin-lutely.
How do you usually celebrate the pagan holidays?	We usually gather with our coven, have a nice meal or alot of appropriate snacks, hold a ritual, and then drink in the spirits... literally. I mean like wine, beer, etc.
Divination
Do you use Tarot?	Yes.
Do you use runes?	Sometimes.
Do you use a pendulum?	Rarely. I have a cool one though.
Do you use dowsing rods?	No.
Do you use astrolgy?	Sometimes.
Any other form of divination?	Bibliomancy, Scrying, Omens.
Spells
What was the first spell you did?	For a job.
What was the latest?	For prosperity and success in the home.
Ever done a love spell?	Nope, don't believe in em.
A job spell?	Yes
A healing spell?	Absolutely
What was the most powerful spell you've ever performed?	Which one? haha! Anything the girls and I do together really packs a HUGE punch. You can feeel the residual energy for days after...
What deities do you usually call on?	God and Goddess
Cryptzology
Do you belive in Vampires?	I wish. I think they are drop dead sexy! lol
Werewolves?	Nah.
Shapeshifters?	In a different sense. Think Shaman.
Elves?	Yes. They live in trees and make cookies!.... Oh wait, those are Keebler Elves!
Faries?	I didn't used to... But, Michele is making me wonder!
Dragons?	Um, no. I know of a guy who thought he was one though.
Nymphs?	Nymphomaniac?
Sprites?	Maybe
Mermaids?	I'd like to think so. When I saw the ocean for the first time this summer, I thought about that.... How beautiful they would be.
Sirens?	Maybe
Satyrs?	No
Ever "seen" any of the above?	Um. No.
Ever talked to any of the above?	No
Ever used any of the above in magick?	No
Do you have one of them as a personal guardian?	No
Random
Do you see a rabbit, a man or a woman in the moon?	A woman of course!
Own a cat?	3 cats. Triniti, Polly Jean, and Athena
When you mediate what does your happy place look like?	Oh... It is wooded. Teh sun filtering through the branches just right. There is a stream nearby and rocks of amber where I find messages!
Do you work with Chakras?	Sometimes
Do you belive in past lives?	Yes
If so, descirbe a few briefly.	I believe I may have been hung in a past life. I have had weird dreams since I was a kid. Also about wolves and being chased, but the hanging one is old. The clothes I have on, the voices.... creepy.
Do you belive in soul mates?	I think so. But maybe not like they show on TV!
Ever meet one?	Yea.
Do you have a spriit guide?	Not really
Is it always love and light?	Absolutely NOT.

I gotta get this!


The cover of the game 'Playing Gods' reads "Vengeance is yours!" and shows deities and prophets, including Buddha firing a machine gun.

Wholesale slaughter of innocents is nothing new in games — board or online — where players adopt godlike figures to whack others along their way to victory.
But a new board game replaces ancient gods or invented goddesses with game characters from major religions of the modern world.

Playing Gods: The Board Game of Divine Domination bills itself as "the world's first satirical board game of religious warfare."


FAITH & REASON: What gamers are saying about 'Playing Gods'

Three-inch plastic figurines include Jesus bashing people with a cross, Moses slugging away with the tablets of the Ten Commandments, the Buddha with a machine gun, and a turbaned fellow with a bomb and a dagger vaguely hinting at Mohammed, all to be set loose to "force the people of the world to worship you."

The game was introduced in September at DragonCon, the annual pop culture, fantasy and science fiction convention in Atlanta, where it caught on with "religious folks with a sense of humor" as well as skeptics, says its creator, Ben Radford, 38, of Rio Rancho, N.M., managing editor of Skeptical Inquirer magazine.

Radford says "much of the world's violence is rooted in religion," so he thought directly mocking various images of God and religious followers would "make more social commentary" and "pierce the pretensions of extremist religious zealotry with humor."

Players can choose among the five figurines or make one for themselves with stickers for a "god" who resembles Oprah, a stein of beer or Satan or add a word label such as Islam, technology, even "the Almighty Dollar."

Says Radford, "I didn't want to leave out a Muslim figure just because it might be offensive. The game is satire. But I went out of my way to be innocuous. The figure is not named. It could be any Muslim leader.

The figurines move across a global game board drawing cards that promise wrath with natural disasters or woo converts with kindness or cleverness. Colored chips represent each god's sects or followers.

A typical steely grey wrath card would "Bring down the Darkness: Kill two sects," while a sunny yellow conversion card recalls Elijah's showdown with a priest of Baal in the Bible (1 Kings 18:38). "Another god's follower challenges you to prove you exist; you fry him with lightening in front of a crowd. Gain one sect."

But just like sexy magazines on a family news stand, the most potentially offensive cards come in a separate wrapper.

"Overemphasis on guilt drives millions to depression and suicide. Kill three Christian sects," it says under the image of the wrathful Jesus.

"Endless 'War on Terror' provides terrorist job stability. Gain three Muslim sects," says a card with the Middle Eastern bomb thrower image.

Still, Radford argues, Playing Gods is a statement of peace, "not anti-religion. It's anti-zealot, anti- people who kill for their beliefs, whatever those are."

The way to win the game, however, is by a combination of killing and conversion.

"I have to be honest with you: Killing is very popular. When people become Gods, they like laying down the locusts and the other Old Testament plagues," says Radford.

In that respect, Playing Gods resembles the video game tradition it emulates — fantasy violence for entertainment, says Carl Raschke, professor of religious studies at University of Denver.

The game's perspective "has no basis in historical reality and doesn't actually represent any religion. It just appeals to people who hate religion to begin with — the hip subculture of militant popular atheists," says Raschke.

"These people are fanatics, for the most part, themselves. Their thinking is rigid and hostile and not much different from jihadists who don't use their minds or study what they are dealing with. They start from their own dogmatic perspective."

Offensive? Says Raschke, "Of course it is. But it sounds too stupid to go far."

The $39.99 game is available online and in independent game stores but, Radford acknowledges, "the big chain stores aren't going to touch a game like this."

(Shamelessly Re-posted from another blog! ;) )

Pagan parents have a unique task-that of teaching pagan values to their children in a world hostile to alternative religions. The following pagan child-raising ideas and values will be helpful when considering your children's pagan learning experiences, no matter what tradition you practice.

A is for Actions. Your own actions and deeds speak loudest of all. If you want them to learn your chosen path, teach them about it with actions, not just words.

B is for Beauty. Show your children the beauty in nature and the other life on this planet. Teach them to preserve that beauty for the future.

C is for Consistency. Hold to the same principles and practices. Keep your actions consistent with your words.

D is for Doing. Teach your children the old ways by doing pagan projects and crafts with them. Projects such as recycling show them that doing what they can to help the Earth is essential.

E is for Enthusiasm. Let your children see your enthusiasm for the old ways, and they will develop it, too. Take them on nature walks, and other places where they can learn to understand the Goddess and Her creations first hand.

F is for Faith. Faith in themselves and their abilities helps children to handle any situation they may find themselves in. Give them suitable tasks to perform. Their completion will boost self-esteem.

G is for Goddess and God. Teach your children the deities of your tradition. Explain who they are and what function they have in your life and rituals. Instruct them in simple chants they can use on their own.

H is for Holidays. Celebrate your tradition's holidays with rituals and appropriate decorations. Sabbats and Esbats both show children what it means to be Pagan. They should be allowed to participate as much as possible.

I is for Imagination. Always foster imagination in your child. Your child's imagination may illuminate part of the path you never noticed before.

J is for Joy. Always approach the teaching of your children with a joyful spirit. Show your child the joy of honoring the Goddess and God, and following the ancient paths.

K is for Knowledge. Knowledge is power. If your children are properly prepared, they will be able to answer questions about their beliefs, and defend themselves in an educated manner against those hostile to their beliefs.

L is for Listening. Listen to your children, and they will learn to listen to others. Their thoughts will give you insights into how they see the world.

M is for Myths. The myths of your traditions will delight and entertain as well as teach. Stories are a great way of telling the child about your deities.

N is for Never. Never forget to tell your children about the past. Tell them about the burning times, and other dark times for Pagans. We must never forget these things, lest they be repeated.

O is for Outdoors. Share with your children the splendor of the great outdoors. Perform rituals outside whenever possible. Help them understand that all things are connected (and sacred) to each other.

P is for Power. Teach them to recognize the power inherent in all things. Introduce them to personal power and divine power. Carefully instruct them in the use of power and the responsibility that goes with it.

Q is for Questions. Your children will have many questions along the way. Always answer them truthfully and to the best of your ability. Never discourage questions from children.

R is for Ritual. Rituals are an important part of all traditions. Let your children participate as much as their age will allow. A young child may only be able to help set up the altar. Older ones can join in the chants, drumming, or dancing.

S is for Sharing. Sharing is an important lesson. Here is where you must set a prime example for your child. By sharing the old ways, you are giving them an honorable path they can follow all their lives.

T is for Tolerance. Teach your child tolerance for all the others who share this planet. Remember that there is no one right path. Tolerance, however, should have its limits. Explain that they should never tolerate abuse for their beliefs.

U is for Understanding. Be understanding when your child is slow to grasp something new. Their understanding of the old ways takes time and patience.

V is for Vision Quest. Vision questing is something most older children will enjoy, especially when seeking their personal power animals. Power animals usually become very important to children, as something they can call on when they are alone.

W is for Wisdom. There is no substitute for wisdom. It is something your children will gain from your instruction and their experiences. Teach them wisely and you will be rewarded.

X is for Examine. eXamine your principles and practices constantly to be sure that you are not sending mixed messages. Confusion and inconsistency, helps no one.

Y Is for You. Don't spend so much time worrying about your children that you forget about your own spiritual and physical needs. The way you treat yourself sets an example, good or bad.

Z is for Zeal. Always share your zeal for life, nature, and the old ways. You will be rewarded with your child's eagerness to learn all about them. Don't forget to praise children for a job well done. You will be glad you did.

by Kirin Lee, from Llewellyn's 1998 Magical Almanac

Gettin' over the mango rolls... Although I am seriously craving them BADLY. Can't stop thinking about the damn things... So freaking yummy....

I am sick. I think I have a sinus infection. Fever, green slime oozing from orifices, sneezing, coughing. You getting the picture here? lol. I am getting an antibiotic tonight, so I will be getting better soon! It sucks working when you feel like horsehit. and horseshit too. I can't type today and am just too lazy to go back and fix the typo! Ha!

Chad is working a crap load of hours this week. I am getting caught up on bills and housework... Fucking yay. Tonight, I am going to start a few special projects and then we will see. Maybe I will read. Maybe I will write something brilliant. Perhaps, I will make more cookies. I have been baking like a fiend, or maybe I will call a new friend and chat. (probably about my obsession with mango rolls... ) Seriously.

My Mango Roll Haiku

Dreaming of Sushi
Mouth waters crispy mango
Sticky rice delight...


Well, that did it. Now that I have already written something brilliant for the day, I guess I can go home and lay on my ass and watch CSI re-runs.